These past 5 years have been huge learning years for me when it comes to parenting and children in general. So many highs and lows. I really feel like a yoyo sometimes. But after raising two girls and watching up to 6 children in the past several years that are not my own, I have come up with the top lessons I've learned and wanted to share when it comes to raising young children. This is long, but if you need a refresher on some of the top parenting tips (many which I'm sure you already know or have heard) this post is for you.
1. Parenting requires the most patience you have ever had to give in your ENTIRE life.
2. Children are like gas tanks. If you they don't have their fill of you, you can bet your pretty pennies that they will challenge you. Children with full gas tanks always behave better. They need time and attention from you to be filled.
3. Schedules (in my opinion) are a must. Children who know what to expect are less likely to act out.
4. Snacks ALMOST always will save you when you are out in public.
5. Children need adequate sleep and if they don't get it you better bet they are going to act up.
6. It is OK to expect children to entertain themselves, for their own good, and for your sanity. It really is an important developmental skill.
7. Reading to your child is one of the most beneficial and important things you will ever do for them. Children who grow up with a passion for reading fostered by their parents usually have a passion for learning.
8. Never expect a child to act a certain way unless you yourself model that behavior. Monkey see monkey do.
9. Always try to remain calm when disciplining your child. They need to be focused on their behevior not yours.
10. Make play time learning time. Young children, especially, learn through play. For example, instead of asking them to make you a meal in their play kitchen, ask them to make a plate with three different foods on it (counting), or make a plate with red food (colors). You get my point.
11. Always foster creativity. Crafts, coloring, painting are wonderful ways to do this and they do wonders for fostering a love of learning because they are awesome teaching tools.
12. Always offer choices (only ones you can live with). Use a little "Parenting with Love and Logic." It's good stuff.
13. Put yourself in their shoes (this has been especially helpful to me when I am working with other people's children).
14. Remember the age you are dealing with and don't expect them to act years beyond their current age.
15. Never beat yourself up if you fail, remember tomorrow is a new day and another chance to get it right.
16. Potty training will NEVER be the same experience for all children. Each one in his or her own way and time.
17. Be on the same page with your spouse on parenting.
18. Physical activity is so important for children, give them opportunities to move often.
19. Children need to be around other children. It is so important for their development.
20. Children need to be around other adults other than you.
21. As draining as it may be, stay on top of children to use their manners, show respect, always tell the truth, and to show others love (especially to their siblings). I willing to bet, in the end you'll be glad you did.
22. Don't forget to discuss God's word and use that as a tool when disciplining children. Let them know his expecations of them.
23. When you feel like you are about to loose it, confess that to him, ask for his help, calm down, and listen. 9 times out of 10 you'll know what to do.
24. Don't forget to feed yourself and who you are. You can't loose your identity in your children. They need to see that you are a real person with other passions and hobbies, not just their Mom or Dad.
25. Don't forget to feed your marriage. When all the kids are grown and gone, you will have each other. Keep that connection alive or you may be looking at each other and wonder who you are as a couple.
26. Let your children fail. Failure is sometimes a better teacher than anything you could ever do or tell them.
27. Let go of the control. (this one is tough for me sometimes). For example, the only way they're ever going to learn to use a spoon is if you quit spooning it in their mouth. The only way they'll learn to drink from a real cup is to take away the sippies. Sure, it's going to be more, messy work for awhile, but in the end it will make your life A LOT easier.
28. Let your children see your emotions good and bad. It teaches them how to deal with them in a healthy way.
29. It's OK to admit that you screwed up to your children and apologize to them. It teaches them that no one is perfect and that sometimes the right thing to do is admit that and say you're sorry.
30. Be on your knees in prayer for your children. They need this now and forever. We fight a very strong enemy out there and he would like nothing more than to get his mitts on your precious little people.
31. Be on your knees in prayer for yourself. That same enemy may try to use your children to make you wallow in self pity, doubt, fear, and anger. Also, don't forget to pray for him to guide you in how to be the best parent you can be. He loves teaching you how to do this, if you let him.
32. Don't isolate yourself from other couples and families, especially if you have no family in town. Young parents NEED a support system and need to show support to others too. Making new friends at this stage in life is tough, the only way to do it is to just get out there and make it happen.
33. Having fun and making memories with your children doesn't have to cost money.
34. With each year of age start giving your children more responsibility, but not more than they are capable of bearing for their age. Children should all learn how to be contributing members to their family. Mom and Dad are not their slaves.
25. Teach children a love of giving and helping others. It models Christ in their lives.
26. As hard as it is, don't nag your children. Instead get clever. Their are so many parenting resources out there that can give you different ideas of how get children to do or stop doing certain things. Go out there and find them. The only way you are going to know if they work is to try them.
27. If a certain method isn't working, find something that does. Don't beat a dead horse.
28. All children will be picky eaters at some point. Feed them at the appropriate times a well balanced healthy meal. If they don't eat it, so be it. Hunger is a better teacher than you shoving it down their throat. Let them have the control of choosing to eat it or not. If they don't, it was their choice to starve, not your bad parenting. And negotiating (don't think of it bribery) is a useful tool here too. "You eat 5 bites of broccoli and you can have a little bit of dessert." The idea is to get the taste in their mouth so they start to acquire it. Most children don't want to try something they don't recognize. The more they put it in their mouth, the more familiar the look and taste will be, and you'll be surprised how often they start to actually like it after using this technique. Before long, negotiations may be a thing of the past. And a little side note here, resist to the urge to say I told you so if they don't eat it and complain about being hungry later. Just say something like, "Good thing I'm going to cook you a nice healthy meal or snack at "such and such" time.
29. While we are on the issue of food, I am a firm believer that a healthy diet is crucial. It prevents behavior issues, fosters a healthy body and brain, and teaches them how to take care of themselves and make good decisions on what to put in our bodies.
30. Last but not least, remember that your children are not your own. They are God's children, given to you to borrow for a short time. Make the most of your time with them because you don't want to look back one day and realize it is too late. No regrets. Send them off to start their lives knowing you did everything you could to make them be happy, successful, and full of God's love.
By the way, I in no way think of myself as an expert. Many of the things in this list I have come up with by trial and error. Sometimes it just feels good to write it all down. It's a lot to take in and it will serve as a good reminder of what works, if I ever forget. Hope you can get something out of it too.