Friday, December 26, 2008

Christmas and more

A little taste of our Christmas and other fun times in the Bilberry house. Loving life!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Getting used to it

Since Brennan has been born I've had full time help everyday but Monday through Wednesday of this week when I was on my own. Surprisingly it hasn't seemed like that much more work having two kiddos. In fact, compared to watching the three boys plus Kadyn like I did earlier, watching an infant and my 2.5 year old has been a walk in the park. Granted we still have plenty of leftovers so I haven't had to do any cooking yet, but really the most difficult part has been trying to discipline Kadyn in a middle of a feeding with Brennan. So really, I'm feeling very lucky. Brennan has been super duper easy. She never fusses or cries, sleeps amazingly well at night only waking to feed 2 times sometimes 3 times a night and then falls back asleep.

I've started using my cloth diapers which are working very very well. The first time I put them on her was a bit of shock because they were sooooo bulky. I knew that was the case with cloth, but I do believe it won't be quite as bad once she grows a little bit. Amazingly I've been able to stretch her newborn outfits over all the bulk. Washing them really hasn't seemed like that much work. They clean up very well. I haven't had to do any toilet swishing so it really is not that much of a hassle. I've heard toilet swishing starts when they start solids so perhaps at that time it may feel like more of a commitment, but for now, I am rather enjoying it. My homemade detergent seems to working pretty well but it is an adjustment to have clothes with absolutely no smell when they are done being cleaned. I kind of miss that detergent fresh smell. But from what I've read, that detergent smell only means that your clothes have detergent residue left on them, not that they are clean. So I guess no smell means they are really clean from everything!

My folks are here right now and it's looking like they might be able to spend the holiday with us too. This will be a memorable Christmas indeed. We had intentions of putting my dad to work to help us replace our countertop in the bathroom, but one thing grew into another and now he is helping us replace our entire tub/shower. Yea!!!!! No more moldy caulking, no more rusty pink salmon steel tub, no more pink tiles falling down behind a plastic liner. I also had a "honey do" list that Jeff never got too since we've lived here and my dad knocked it out in a matter of 2 hours. Oh how I wish he lived closer. My favorite part of all this is that at last I will finally get my detachable shower head. It will make bathing the kids so much easier among other things.

I need to start taking more pictures. I took sooooo many pics of Kadyn her first year, I want to try to keep things fair. That also means I will need to type a letter to Brennan each month for the first year of her life. After that my letters will dwindle to once or twice a year. My mother did that for us girls and I always enjoy going back and reading them. A tradition that has been fun to keep up with for my own children.

Well anyways, there's the latest on us. Jeff is doing well and really in love with his lovely little ladies. Work is keeping him very very busy and we are looking forward to what his job has in store for him this coming year. It could be another exciting year of changes for us, only time will tell. One thing is for sure, we are loving being a family of 4. The Lord has blessed us indeed!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Testing her limits

Kadyn has really been testing her limits lately. I can't decide if Brennan has anything to do with it for a couple reasons. It started shortly before her birth and she adores her little sissy and doesn't act jealous of her in any way. I'm inclined to think this is just a phase that is coincided with her development and age. Mostly she is starting to back talk to us and ignore us when we tell her to do things. This week has been full of many time outs and a few spankings. I think once the holidays are done and we are back to our normal routine and eating our normal foods (we've had way too many goodies with all these holidays) that will help quite a bit. She may be missing her buddy Liam a bit and that could be part of the problem. Needless to say, it has been a little challenging and I don't care for it at all. I feel like a mean mom because I'm always on her case about her behavior, but I feel if I don't stay on top of it I could have a monster on my hands. Eventually I've got to get through the kid.....gulp......I hope!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

In the throws of being a new mother again.

Last night was a heavy dose of caring for a newborn. I nursed Brennan at 11:30 just before I was lay down for the evening myself. I changed her right afterwards and right after I took her diaper off she peed all over me and the bed. So after we got that cleaned up, I decided to nurse her one last time so I could empty both sides or I would be horribly uncomfortable in four hours for our next nursing session. Four hours later I woke up to a drenched shirt and a poopy diaper to change before we nursed. Cleaned her up, nursed her and she pooped again, this time it got on her outfit. Cleaned her up again swaddled her and put her in her bassinet and she pooped again! Cleaned her up again and then finally had a chance to change my shirt, get a drink, go to the bathroom and then lay down. Woke up again just as the sun was rising to a slightly damp shirt and another wet diaper. And on and on we go..... I must say though, that I am doing rather well in the sleep department. Brennan really has been very easy and not so demanding now that my milk is in full force. And I'm just so glad that she's pooping and peeing a lot because it means she's getting plenty of milk (something I really struggled with the first time). So changing all those diapers actually makes me happy ironically.

Kadyn is still coughing a bit but I think she is finally on the amends. We are trying to get her back onto a schedule and some kind a routine. She is in desperate need of some order in her life again. She has been pushing her limits and our buttons for awhile since we got back, but everyday she seems to settle down a little more. She is totally in love with little sissy and still just as adoring and gentle with her as I hoped she would be.

Brennan has a slight case of jaundice, pretty common, but Kadyn never had it so I'm freaking a bit. Her level was at 6.4 at the hospital and then 9.4 two days later. They said they start using the lights when it gets to 12 or above and start worrying when it gets to 20 or above. I'm supposed to just keep a close eye on her and either get her retested in a week if I feel she needs it or earlier if I think it's getting worse more quickly. This morning I went back and forth with calling in to get her tested again. It isn't going away but I can't decide if it looks worse or not; she's so lobster red that it's hard sometime to see the yellow in her skin. I've heard that it usually goes away on it's own but can take several weeks in a nursed infant. The doctor thinks she has breastmilk jaundice. Basically my milk has some goodies in it that are harder for her liver to break down and so it causes a bit of jaundice. It can only be expelled through bowel movements and takes some time. So anyhoo, I think she's probably fine, but I'm being a worrisome mommy and trying to not freak out.

Her circulation isn't as good as I would like. It doesn't take much for her to turn purple when she's cold or if her limbs are positioned the wrong way. I know it's all so normal, but it's so new to me. I didn't have these problems with Kadyn. A mother can really worry herself silly if she wanted too.

My MIL is still here probably until Friday. It has been so nice to have help with the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and with Kadyn. Next week I will be on my own for most of it and then my parents will be here. I'm so ready for them to meet Brennan. It's been weird that they aren't here at the beginning of it all.

Looking forward to Christmas and seeing Kadyn's reactions to all her new gifts. This is probably the most I've looked forward to this holiday since I was a kid. New baby, 3 year old, it all makes for a memorable time.

Well I'm rambling. Toodles for now!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Labor and delivery

So for those of you who like to read about the experience of labor and delivery for other women, here's mine a little graphic so men probably won't want to read. Wednesday night after my appt. I decided to go to my water aerobics class. Kadyn was sick and we didn't want to get out with her like that so we skipped small group. I almost didn't renew my membership this month to the pool because I knew I wouldn't be using it after the birth, but I had always heard water aerobics could help you go into labor. During the class I started feeling those braxton like hics contractions only this time they were accompanied with a bit of pain. I just kind of worked through it and didn't think much of it. After I got out of the pool I went to the bathroom and noticed a little blood on my tissue and then I got really excited thinking this could be it. Another contraction came, then another, each was painful. I made it home and told Jeff to get out his watch. He started timing them and running around like a madman getting things ready just in case.

We called the hospital to find out when we could come in. They wanted the contractions to be 5 minutes or less apart for at least a duration of 30 minutes. When they started they were anywhere from 5 minutes to 10 minutes apart. Finally by 12:30 they got within the range we wanted. We called Elaine Chase/Atkinson to come stay with Kadyn and off to the hospital we went. We got admitted and they then took some blood tests, started administering the antibiotic and a bag of fluids before they would even think of an epidural which I wanted right away, although I was dealing really well with the contractions. I ended up doing about 9 hours until I got the epidural. When they put it in, it was MUCH more painful than it was with Kadyn and seemed to take forever. Jeff pulled a typical man move at that point and started yawning as I was writhing in pain, trying to hold still during a contraction, with tears pouring down my face. He will never live that one down! But I must say during most of the whole process he really was great and very supportive. I love my man.

Anyways, after the epidural I went very very numb. One leg I couldn't feel or move at all. That one tended to slide off the table at times and I had to remind the nurses when it started to fall so they could catch it. It's very bizarre to watch your limb fall of a table and not be able to do a thing about it. I ended up total laboring for a total of 22 hours from the time I was in the pool until the time she was born the next day at 3:15. I did get stuck at 5 cm for awhile and the second half of labor I was given pitocin to get things moving along again. There was one scary heart rate drop which I completely lost it during thinking the same thing was going to happen that happened to Kadyn and I would end up in surgery again, but mostly we controlled her heart rate by continuing to flip me from side to side every so often when it looked like she wasn't liking my position. The doctor did break my water at about 3:30 a.m. and I didn't see him again until I was about 3 pushes away from delivery. When he came in for delivery he discovered she was sunny side up and put her the right way in about 5 seconds (I didn't know they could do that). Once out, Jeff got to cut the cord (he did get the final moment on video). Then they placed her on me and I was crying out "I can't believe it! My baby! I love you!" It was one of the most memorable moments of my life.

They cleaned her up a little, wrapped her up, and gave her to me to nurse, and left the room for about 30 minutes, just me, the baby, and Jeff. It really was the birth experience I always wanted. I did have a medium tear that was fixed with one big long stitch. The recovery from this kind of birth has been sooo different. Everyone says c-sections are much worse for recovery, but for me recovery was much worse. It is very painful, but all worth it. I'm just so glad that my baby girl is here safe and sound and healthy and that I'm not pregnant anymore. I'm looking forward to getting my body back and starting life as a family of four. I am so blessed and thankful to God for this life and experience.


We're home and everyone is doing fairly well. Kadyn is still sick with a cold but is being a trooper about wearing her mask around the baby. I only caught her once blowing in Brennan's face without it, which freaked me out. She has seen me doing this to try to wake Brennan up. Brennan had a fairly fussy day yesterday. She wanted to nurse all day, but to her credit, my milk had still had not come in. Last night if finally arrived, and now I can't get seem to get her to drink enough of it. I'd be a lot more comfortable is she would drink more. She is getting full and is much more content than yesterday. She's been sleeping most of the day and I'm having to wake her to feed her. She is such a good baby at night. Two nights now and she has had to be woke for both feedings. I have been letting her go 4 hour stretches at night and try to feed her every 2 to 3 hours during the day. I hope she continues to sleep that well. It has allowed us to recoop a lot lost sleep. By the time we got to the recovery room we had both not slept in about 37 hours. We are slowly making up for it, but still could use some more sleep as all new parents could.

Kadyn is in love with her "little sissy" She gets very squealy and giggly whenever she gets to hold her and we have had to coach her not to poke her eyes and nose. She desperately wants to kiss on her and does with the mask on, but I can tell she is anxiously awaiting the day when she can kiss her without the mask. When I feed Brennan Kadyn hovers almost nose to nose with Brennan watching in amazement. I have to tell her to back up and give Brennan some space. I can tell Brennan recognizes Kadyn's voice, she seems to calm down when Kadyn sings her little off key songs to her.

Today she got my donought seat, sat on it in front of the television, and then put her doll up her shirt. I'm sure there will be many more days of her playing mommy ahead. It is so cute. She was a little over the top with her behaviors when we returned and was testing us quite a bit, but today has seemed to calm down a lot. She apparently did very well when we were away. I think we did a good job letting her know what to expect when I went into labor.

Brennan has a little bit of jaundice or what the doctor thinks is breastfeeding jaundice. The levels aren't of too much concern yet but they are climbing so we are keeping an eye on it. She has lost almost a pound, but now that my milk is in, she should gain at least half an oz a day. We will go back to the doc in a week to check weight and possibly for another billirubin test if I feel she needs it. She is a bit yellow at the moment. I really think it will get better now that my milk is in.

My mother in law is here for the week and I am so thankful. Manning Kadyn right now is kind of difficult. I am VERY sore and trying to take it easy. The recovery this time is more difficult. I wasn't nearly this sore with my c-section. But.....if I had to do it all over again I would a million times. Vaginal birth really is a magical experience. I recommend it to anyone over c-section.

So anyways, there you have it. Looks like I will have help this week, then be on my own a week, then my parents will be here. Hopefully I'm not as sore this time next week. For now I"m just enjoying the help and being with my girls. I am so in love with my children. Makes me want more. Toodles for now!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Encouraging news!

I had another appt today. Turns out those things I was feeling in the evenings were contractions and not Braxton hics. I am now 1-2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Now I realized I could stay this way for another 2 weeks, but I am sooooo encouraged because now I am considered favorable for an induction if I never do go into labor by my deadline (one week after my due date is my deadline to go into labor on my own, beyond that is considered to risky for uterine rupture because of my c-section). So this means, I am going to get my chance at a VBAC one way or the other. There are no guarantees that it won't end in a c-section, but I feel so lucky to be able to try this. I really really hope this works. Now I just have to be patient and either let my body do it's job or just wait for another two weeks until I can be induced. The end is in sight! I'm so excited!

Monday, December 1, 2008


I'm tired. Kadyn woke at 4:00 in the morning because she wet her bed. This is the second time she has ever wet her bed. It's very weird. I'm not sure why. She's never had a problem with this before. It took at least 15 minutes to get the sheets changed, get her to the restroom and change her and then it took me another hour and a half to fall back asleep. Consequently I'm exhausted.

The ground has snow on it but not nearly enough to play in and I doubt I could muster up the energy to go outside and play in the snow even if there was enough snow. I didn't even bother to take the kids to the library for story time which I usually do EVERY Monday. I'm getting physically tired and I'm getting tired of waiting for the big day. Moving around is getting so difficult. I keep getting more and more convinced that this baby will be like Kadyn and will not come out on her own. It's very disappointing as each day passes and still no progress. I'm soooo uncomfortable and miss my old body so much. Part of me wishes that I could just give in and schedule a c-section right around my due date. But another part of me wants to wait it out as long as possible to give my body a chance to do this on its own and have that VBAC I want so badly. 11 more days until my due date. I can do this!

I keep staring at the calendar wondering which day I will get to mark as her birthday. When I look at the calendar it doesn't seem so far off. As weird as this sounds, it almost seems surreal to me that there will be another human being in our family in less than a month. It's hard to imagine what she will look like, what kind of personality she will have, how big will she be (have another feeling I'm going to deliver another whopper), and how she will fit into our family. It's hard to imagine that this time next year she will be crawling maybe even walking around and getting into everything. It's hard to imagine that in a few days to a couple weeks I will be holding her in my arms. That other people will be holding her in their arms. I am looking forward to it all. I'm excited that she will be here close to Christmas. It may be the most memorable Christmas ever. About the only thing I'm dreading is the lack of sleep. I know the next 2 years will be exhausting. It wasn't until Kadyn turned two that there was any consistency to my sleep pattern.

OK onto other news. Thanksgiving was great! Uncle Jason came turkey day and we had our big meal the next Friday. Aside from a few plumbing problems it really was a blessed holiday. I didn't have to cook at all. The Bilberry boys are great cooks! I froze half of what we made so I should have some extra food around when baby gets here. Kadyn and I set up our mini tree together which she loved. I got to buy some cheap fabric on sale Black Friday for more of my diaper sewing projects and that same day Kadyn and I made and decorated sugar cookies together. It was honestly the first time in my life I have ever made them or decorated some. They turned out great and Kadyn had a blast. I plan on making that one of our traditions. We had hot chocolate with chocolate chips and candy canes and it was soooo yummy! Yes, this has been a good holiday indeed.

Well I'm rambling. Just wanted to update the latest as I know some of my readers are probably wondering if I've popped yet. So the answer for today is....nope! Still plump and ready.