Thursday, December 31, 2009

An obession that may be a little too obsessive

As I said in one of my former posts, Kadyn got two new Michael Jackson CDs for Christmas.  One was Michael Jackson's greatest hits and the other was the Jackson 5's greatest hits.  She has LOVED these CD's.  She does favors his solo CD more than the Jackson 5 CD.  This is all she has listened too ever since she got the CD.  Usually she waits until after her breakfast and cartoon time to turn it on, but this morning it came on the minute she got out of bed.

The obsession began when he died.  I, of course, got caught up in all the media surrounding his death.  I suppose by watching it I kind of felt like I was experiencing history in the making.  I knew his death was a big deal.  We both watched the funeral together and she then started to ask questions about death and dying.  It really fascinated her.  A couple months later when his movie came out I decided to take her so she could understand why he was famous; I wanted to take the focus off of his death and let her experience who he was when he was alive.  We both attended his film on the big IMAX screen just the two of us.  She was very excited.  It was a great film.  I don't think my toe stopped tapping the entire time.  I gained a newfound respect for him and his music through that film.  He really was an amazing artist.  The only showing of the film started at 9:00.  I doubted whether she would make it through at all because 9:00 is her bedtime.  Taking her for a 9:00 viewing of a film is really not my style as a parent, but this was something I wanted to do to share a little bit of history with her.  She stayed awake for the ENTIRE film.  She was mesmorized.

Flash forward to Christmas time.  Kadyn asked for his CD and got her wish.  Now the obsession is in full force.  I wonder how long this will last?  Before too long I will have all those songs memorized.  Today I asked her to stay in her room and play while I tried to put Brennan down for a nap.  She, of course, was listening to her Michael Jackson CD when I checked on her after I finished.  She was laying in the bed under the covers and looked a little mischievous as I walked in. I asked her what she was doing.  Apparently she was kissing Michael Jackson.  They were married and they loved each other.  Suddenly, I began to wonder.  Do you think her obsession is starting to get a little too obsessive?  I'm not sure whether to think it is cute or be a bit disturbed.  One thing is for sure, it sure brings humor to my life.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas 2009

Christmas was good for us this year.  Kadyn really got into the idea of Santa this year.  She enjoyed leaving milk and cookies and got a kick out of the fact that they were missing in the morning.  Brennan really didn't open gifts much but sure did enjoy seeing what was in them. The biggest reaction we got from her was actually when she saw Dada opening the gift that she got Dada.  She got him a coffee mug with her picture on it.  She gasped as she saw her picture on the cup and then grabbed it and pretended to drink from it several times.

Kadyn really loved her Michael Jackson CDs and her trampoline.  I'm not sure I will ever hear a Michael Jackson song again without being reminded of this Christmas. Of course, Brennan's toys were great fun for her to play with too. 

All in all we were very blessed this holiday.  So thanks to Jesus for sharing his birthday with the Bilberry family.  It was the best birthday party ever!

Chase visit

The Chase family came to visit us last Wednesday afternoon/evening.  It was such a pleasant visit.  Their daughter, Chloe, is just the sweetest and brightest little gal and their son is very hilarious.  He is certainly a big change of pace from having a girl.  He tried to show his manly strength by picking up the biggest presents under the tree, moving and tipping over Kadyn's rocker, and making sure Brennan wasn't allowed to stand up.  Needless to say, the Chase family has their hands full with that little man.

Kadyn LOVED playing with Chloe.  They are so close in age and development.  It was neat and fun to watch them interact together. They also were able to play together last Saturday at a little family get together and will play one last time this coming Tuesday at Chloe's great Grandma's birthday party.The Chase family would like to move closer to Springfield some day.  We are hoping it is sooner than later.  What a great time we had.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

A delicate balance and a deep appreciation for my man

Last night Jeff became sick.  So for the entire day and evening I was pretty much on my own with the girls.  I've done this many times before, but tonight was different.  As Brennan has aged and also with the the introduction to cutting molars, she has become more demanding.  She has also become more affectionate and has started to get a little jealous streak if I show any affection towards Kadyn.  Kadyn loves to be involved in everything I do.  Therefore, if I want to sit down one on one with Brennan to work on some developmental skills (as I used to do with Kadyn all the time at this age) you can bet that Kadyn will want to be right in the middle of it too.  I try to include her in our learning sessions, but it becomes very difficult to do.  Kadyn gets so impatient with Brennan because the skills Brennan is working on come so easily to Kadyn.  I don't think Kadyn understands just how difficult simple things like sorting blocks and stacking blocks etc. can be for a child who has never done them.  It takes a lot of coaching and repetition.  Kadyn thinks she should get it after a couple tries. 

My play sessions usually end up with Brennan loosing focus and getting distracted while Kadyn starts to pout because I've gotten onto her about taking turns and giving Brennan plenty of time to try things.  I end the  sessions feeling frustrated and torn.  I feel badly that I get onto Kadyn so much, but I also feel guilty that I'm unable to give Brennan the kind of attention and learning time that I gave Kadyn at that age because of......Kadyn. 

Tonight as I sat down and tried to play these learning games with Brennan Kadyn eventually just gave up participating and instead would try to take off with the toys we were playing with etc.  She was obviously trying to get my attention.  It all came to a head when I asked her why she was doing this and her reply was, "I just want you to love me when I'm naughty."  This really broke my heart.  Flashbacks of her pleading with me last night to cuddle with her and again today during the day while I was in the midst of taking care of Brennan and the kitchen came flooding back to my memory.  It was obvious to me that Kadyn really needed some Mommy one on one time. 

Typically, Jeff can fill in where I fall short.  If I am tied up with one child he helps with the other.  Today I didn't have that luxury.  I vowed to her to give her my undivided attention when Brennan went to sleep and even tried to throw a little more time before Brennan went to bed when she became distracted by a toy.  Unfortunately, round two of teething began 10 minutes after I put Brennan down and I spent my last hour before Kadyn's bed time going between the two.  10 minutes trying to sooth Brennan, then 10 minutes at the table with Kadyn helping her with some worksheets and practice drawing letters.  It was tough.  It made me realize just how blessed I am to have Jeff.  He really is a wonderful father and it is clear to me that our kids are completely filled when we work together as a team; although I do all the caretaking myself most days and nights (baths, snacks, meals, cleanup etc.) sometimes it's just impossible to give each child equal time with my attention; that's where my husband helps me most.  I am so blessed to have Jeff in my life.  I don't know how single mothers do it;  My heart goes out to them.  My prayers are with them tonight.  Thank you Lord for my sweet husband; I couldn't ask for a better father for my children.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Just not one of those people

Every year at this time, I get a ton of those holiday cards from from friends and family wishing me a merry Christmas.  I love looking  at them and it is so thoughtful that they thought of us during the holidays.  Every year I think to myself how we really should do the same thing.  I think since we've been married, I've managed to get a letter and picture out two times.  Most years, I end up writing a letter and then it sits in my computer waiting to be printed and sent off.  By the time I remember, the holidays are gone and my life has moved on enough, that what is in the letter would seem too irrelevant to share anymore.  Most of the people in my life that I would like to share these photos and cards with I keep in touch with anyways through this blog, facebook, on the phone, or in person.  I just can't bring myself to spend money on these things knowing this.

My mother never sent these cards and letters either.  I can only remember one time that she did.  Perhaps it has never seemed as important to me because of this.  When reflecting on my thoughts about this tradition I am also inclined to bring up the fact that I really don't have the desire to take my kids to a store and wait in line for hours just so they can sit on the lap of a stranger dressed like Santa for one minute who they may or may not be scared of.  I have many friends who do this.  It's the picture, the memory, that they are creating for their family.  It's their tradition.  Yet, another tradition that my parents didn't share with me, and I'm a little ashamed to admit, I don't care to do either. 

Don't get me wrong.  We do Santa at our house, but I almost feel like the idea of Santa is much more exciting than actually getting to meet a fake santa.  I hope this doesn't sound ba hum bugish.  I really do love Christmas and all the things that come with it. I love getting those cards and pictures from from friends and family.  I just hope they don't feel badly if they don't get those things from us.  So dear readers, if you do not recieve a "wishing you a happy holidays" card from the Bilberrys, don't take offense.  I'm just not one of those people.  We do wish you happy and blessed holidays, just in the form of this blog:)  Merry Christmas ya'll.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Every mother does it

Today when Brennan woke I started our normal routine as if it were any other day.  First I started to nurse her letting my mind get caught up in the thoughts about how our nursing sessions are almost done.  I was so caught up in thought that it took me awhile to notice that Brennan was extremely hot.  Being a mother a second time around means that I'm pretty good at recognizing a fever when I feel one, even without a thermometer to tell me what the actual temp is.  Once when Kadyn was 10 months she had a fever for 9 days straight.  It was one of the scariest times of my life aside from the time I thought I was going to loose her during birth.

Anyhow, I digress.  I dug around for a thermometer.  I found two.  I was pretty sure one had a dead battery.  I was right.  But never fear I had bought another one as backup.  The darn thing started squeaking and wouldn't stop as soon as I turned it on. So....I had no way of knowing how high her temp was.  I decided to see if she would eat anything or drink.  I knew fluids were going to be very important today.  She ate half her breakfast to my surprise and drank a little bit.  I was so glad she did this.  This I KNEW was a good sign that it wasn't too bad yet.  As soon as she was done she wanted me.  She was so lifeless the rest of the morning dozing off and on not wanting to do anything but cuddle with me.  If I put her down she would just lay there lifeless and cry until I came to pick her back up.  I have to admit, I loved having her cuddle with me all day long; I just wish it didn't have to be because she felt so awful.  I called Jeff to see if he could pick up extra meds, pedialyte, and a working thermometer. I didn't want to drag a sick child into the store.  He couldn't help me until later afternoon.  At this point, I was still confident that things would be OK.  I knew what to expect.  I had been through this before and the important thing is that she was eating a little and drinking a little.  I figured it was time for tylenol.  I gave her a dose and waited, still no change. 

Then somewhere after lunch I did that thing every mother does.  I worried my little head off.  Here's what my mind started doing:

"What if she has ecoli or something?   That one mom on that movie Food Inc. said her son was dead in 2 days after he got it.  What would be the symptoms of that anyways?  Here I am sitting here thinking this is just some virus everyone has been getting all winter and it will pass on it's own.  If I don't take her to the doctor and it is very serious I would kill myself.  Noooo Darci.  Don't overreact.  You can't be one of those mothers who calls the doctor the first day of a fever.  This is just a run of the mill virus.  You know what they are going to say, 'Make sure she gets plenty of fluids and rest and ride it out.  If she gets any worse give them a call.'

What if she has the swine flu?  She's so little.  I couldn't bare to see her admitted to the hospital.  She could die from that.  Many children have.  Now Darci stop freaking out.  Your friend's one year old just got done having the swine flu and she survived.  Granted it was awful, but she pulled through.  Your friend from church has a son who got it too, and he's still here.  If that's what it is, she'll be fine. It won't be pretty, but she'll be fine.

I shouldn't have gone to that playdate at my friends house Monday.  I'll bet you anything she picked it up there.  They've been sick for the last month and a half with various bugs.  Or maybe she picked it up on the nursery at church.  But then she was the only baby there Sunday.  I really need to just be a hermit the rest of the winter.  But how can I really live a life trapped in my house 24/7.  Is that really fair to me, or the kids?  It's the only way.  But I can't just stop going to church?  How would that look? 

What if it was cancer?  Oh I COULD NOT deal with that.  I can imagine it and it would be AWFUL! What would be the symptoms?  I don't have a clue. Do people with cancer get fevers?  Brennan's heart seemed like it was racing.  That can't be good.  But maybe children this age just have faster heart rates than adults.  I know that's the case when they're first born.  Hmmm?  Maybe it's not beating as fast as I think it is.  Yes, I think it is normal.

Oh my baby, my baby, MY POOR BABY!"

So anyways, as you can tell, I can tend to over think things and overeact when it comes to my children.  Although I may never know for sure, I do think Brennan has some virus that will just take time to pass.  Mid afternoon I gave her some motrin and then her fever seemed to magically go away. Brennan seemed to go back to her old self minus eating her normal portion at supper.  She did take another snooze after supper which isn't normal, so I'm pretty sure she's not out of the woods just yet, but I'm glad to know the medicine helps control the fever and make her more comfortable.  For now, my logical brain is helping me stay calm and convincing my worrisome self that this just a normal bug and it will be over after it  has run it's course.  I just hate when I let myself get carried away like that.  So if you've ever caught yourself doing the same thing, know, you're not alone.    


Monday, December 14, 2009

Recent pics of the little ladies

OK let's see..  Some explanations.  Brennan learned how to climb into the little rocking chair and thought she was VERY cool for that.  We went to a parade and FROZE our butts off.  Brennan loves to be walked around as long as she has someone's fingers.  Kadyn made a playdough man that was basically a ball on top of plastic shoes, and Brennan really loves to make out with herself whenever she catches her own reflection.  Enjoy!

As house pics

As promised, here are pics of our house, mostly settled (with a few things out of place).  We might be setting up a bunk bed in Kadyn's room which is why there are no pics on the big wall.  Brennan was all too happy to pose for the kid room pics.  The living room will have different furniture, a throw rug, and window dressings eventually.  The main thing is, we are moved in, we have room to grow, and we are loving our new home.  We are blessed.  I didn't bother to post basement pics.  Nothing to see there except boxes, an extra bed, and a little play area I set up for the kids.  It will be finished several years from now.