Oh boy!

Well folks, I will once again be joining the ranks of all stay at home mothers again vs being a stay at home mommy who babysits. I'm soooo ready for this again; I'm ready to focus all my efforts on my own children for a change. We will be listing our house to sell hopefully by the end of May and both Jeff and I thought it best if I wasn't babysitting during that time since I will have to get out of the house quickly for showings. Jeff's job in Branson is starting and he will be full time down there here shortly. Right now he is going down there once a week.

I have to say I am sooo excited for this change and very nervous too. I'm nervous about our house selling and how much it will sell for. I'm nervous about qualifying for a loan, I'm nervous we'll have to rent (something I really never saw myself doing again at this age), I'm nervous that the loss of income from babysitting will make it really tough for us, should I go on? You get the drift. I'm hoping that we are making the right decision moving down there and that God will bless us for this decision because we think we are following his will, but how does anyone REALLY know what his will is?

I must say, after spending some time down there I am in love with the landscape. It is so beautiful. Never in my life did I think I would be able to live in such beautiful surroundings. My children will never know how lucky they have it to live in such a beautiful place with so many things to do. The schools are supposed to be good so that is a huge relief. There is no orchestra down there which is a big disappointment, but since I will be at home for another 5 maybe 7 years (if we have another child) it really doesn't make since to move half way inbetween Springfield and Branson just so I have to the option of teaching orchestra someday. At this point, I'm not even sure I want to go back to full time teaching. I want to have flexibility in what I do for my kids. I want to be able to take them to their soccer games, dentist appts., stay at home with them when they are sick etc. We have no family here so one of us has to be available for them. For this reason I have toyed with the idea of substitute teaching. In a perfect world, money wouldn't be an issue and I could just teach private lessons or start a sewing business:)when my kids start school. Then there's the whole of idea of homeschooling which my mother is really pushing for. I guess I have awhile to figure all this out. So many decisions. What to do, what to do?

Well anyhoo...it's been an interesting month of decisions. It seemed once we made the decision to make the move to Branson, things started moving quickly. It's only been a week since that decision and already I have completely stripped our belongings to the bare minimum so that closets look spacious and nothing looks cluttered or unorganized. We have rented a storage unit in Branson and have started the process of hauling all those extras to it so our house will be ready to show. We will be having a garage sale soon to help clear some stuff,need to repaint the bathroom cabinets, and cover some eyesore spots in the kitchen and then we're ready. I LOVE organizing so this has all been a fun challenge and very rewarding I must say. For the first time I can look in my closets and really see stuff. Of course if the house doesn't sell by the end of summer, we will be hauling some stuff back because I will need it when the seasons change. Hopefully that won't be an issue.

Here's to another year of changes. Last time we moved we had been in our house for 3 years and had a 5 months old. Brennan will be 5 months old in 1 week and we will have been in this house for 3 years this coming August. 3 and 5 must be our lucky numbers.

Jeff's boss is very optimistic about the move to Branson. He seems to think Jeff will be more busy than he would even like to be. If that's the case, we should be fine. Time will tell. We'll keep you updated as things move along.

Giggles

The past month

OK I think most pics are self explanatory but I have to explain the ball player in the grey uniform. Jeff noticed he had an unusal prepitch ritual. In Jeff's words, "Ball one...check, ball two....check, ball three...throw!" Also, that was Kadyn's first time bowling. Her friend Will bowled with us. They LOVED it!

Two peas in a pod

In the last two weeks Brennan has really started enjoying Kadyn's affections. She lights up when Kadyn pays attention to her, which is all the time really. And the only one who can get REALLY laugh is Kadyn. I am soooo enjoying these exchanges of affection between the two. I have a dream of my girls growing up to be very close. This is something I have always wanted with my own sister but don't really have. It's way to early, of course, to know how close their relationship will be as adults, but for now, I can imagine and it's heartwarming:)

Do you ever....

....feel like you've been soooo blessed that you don't have the right to ask for more, or that something bad has to happen to you because of all the good things in your life? Do you ever worry that you aren't appreciating what you have enough and so a trial will be coming to teach humility? These are things that have been crossing my mind a lot lately. I never want to take for granted the blessings God has given me. I know that I will never be deserving of all the blessings God has given me (no one is) but because he loves me so he will continue to bless. But sometimes I can't help but wonder when is the next hardship coming? As a mature Christ follower I also know that God allows trials in our life to help draw is nearer to him, to teach us lessons we need to learn, and to strenghthen us. Sometimes my life seems so good to be true that I just can't believe that it would last much longer.

These past 3 years in Springfield have been sooo wonderful. I can truly say I am living out my dream of life. This coming year is going to bring change. It is looking more and more like another move is in our near future due to some transitions in Jeff's job. There is so much uncertainty in our path. Will we be able to sell our house? Will be able to qualify for a decent loan for another home? Will Jeff's job be as rewarding as we hope it will be after this move to provide for our family? There are a lot of questions that are unanswered. It is a time of uncertainty and it requires a leap of faith on our part. We are not strangers to this as we were taking a great leap of faith when we moved to Springfield almost 3 years ago. I had many of the same questions then and in a way our future was even more uncertain then than it is now. But through it all God has provided. His track record in our life has been amazing. I feel guilty for even letting myself worry about our situation. I should know that he will take care of us no matter what. I wish I could just let go of it all and watch how he puts everything into place, but it seems I'm a hardwired worrier. I am my own worst enemy. This is something I struggle with.

We have held up our decisions in prayer, but sometimes it is so difficult to really know his will for us. We follow our gut hoping that we are discerning the leading of the spirit. Only time will tell if we have heard his voice correctly and heeded his instructions. It is nerve racking and thrilling all at the same time. On one hand we could continue to live out "the dream." On the other hand, we could be headed for a time of tribulations if we have chosen the wrong path. I just wish I knew for sure. It's times like these that I get frustrated that God can't just come down from his throne and sit down with us and talk to us face to face. It's times like these that I long to see him and feel him as a real person and not just a spirit somewhere out there in another diminsion. Too look into his eyes and hear his voice and know it is real. To ask him face to face all these questions and get an answer that I know is truly from him and not just a thought that I can only hope is placed inside of me from him instead of a thought that has been derived from my own desires.

Oh dear Lord, please help guide us through these next few months. We want to follow your will. Praise be to your name for the provisions and blessings you have given in years past and for the ones to come in our future. Praise be to your name for the trials past and the trials to come for I know that they are for our own benefit. Glory and honor be yours forever! I love you!