He sustains me

These last couple weeks have been really trying in the parenting and daycare department.  Brennan and my little gal have been going through some difficult toddler behaviors.  They are behaviors that are not uncommon to the age, so that has given me some comfort that it's not something I'm doing wrong.  Anyhoo.. last week my little gal had about a three day span where she just decided that she wanted to be held all day and if I didn't oblige she was going to scream at the top of her lungs.  It didn't matter if I sat down next to her and offered to play one on one with her, she protested unless she was plopped in the middle of my lap or being carried around.  This was quite exhausting, especially considering there were 3 other children that desired my attention.  What it finally took to break her of it was just ignoring her screams and going about my play with the other children as if nothing was wrong.  Occasionally I'd try to engage her in what I was doing and eventually she quit her tantrums and turned back into a sweet little girl, or at least for the rest of what was left of that week.

Flash forward to this week.  I try to spend quite a bit of quality time with the little gals every morning and then try to devote my one on one time to the big guys during nap time and devote a good chunk of time to reading stories to everyone in the afternoon.  We do have two stretches of time where they are expected to self play without my help.  Once in the morning and once in the afternoon.  I swear within 5 minutes of walking away to prepare lunch or a snack, someone is screaming. 95% of the time the one offended was Bren and the offender was the little gal.  She has picked up some very bad habits at her home because she has two older siblings who can be very aggressive and fight when they don't get their way.  It amazes me how a 13 month old can come at my 21 month old with pure anger written all over her face and just attack her.  Usually it's because Brennan has something the little gal wants.  Most of the time Brennan has done nothing to provoke it.  My girls have never been like this.  They've had a few spiffs here and there, but nothing that compares to this.

Brennan being such an emotional child gets her feelings hurt very easily by this aggressive behavior.  Today I tried to get the little gal to say she was sorry in sign language and give Brennan a hug.  Bren was scared to death to let her hug her.  I felt so sorry for my sweetie. What's bizarre to me is that all this aggression is coming from such a tiny and young person.

I have been at a complete loss on how to teach this little gal that being aggressive towards others is wrong.  She doesn't understand much of anything yet and certainly isn't talking.  I've tried some sharing games to encourage her and teach her about taking turns and sharing.  Her attention span is very short.  I'm talking she can only sit through 2 pages in a book short.  I have tried my usual tactics to help enhance her language acquisition which include pointing to things to label, label, label.  Asking questions to get her interested in something so we can further explore things with language. I try reading to her everyday.  I sing to her and try to do nursery rhymes with her. She just can't sit still for longer than a minute and so this part of her learning has been very difficult.   Too me, it seems that cognitively she won't grasp that being aggressive hurts until she has a better mastery of language.  Yes, appropriate discipline at this age mostly consists of redirection, but does that prevent it from happening again?  Certainly not.  At some point the little gal has got to learn that those behaviors are unacceptable.

So anyhow, between dealing with this and Bren's constant whining (which I attest to the fact that her language skills are just emerging and she can't always communicate how she feels or what she wants) my patience has been tested more than it has in a long time.  BUT....somehow through it all I've felt sustained.  This is not to say that I have been able to completely suppress feelings of frustration over it, but it has given me a drive to figure out an appropriate way to deal with it so that I can stop the behaviors and return that peace that the house once had before little gal turned into a toddler.  I am driven to be a better mother and a better care taker to these children which means guiding these little lives into learning right from wrong .  I have checked out parent help books from the library and ordered my own copy of Parenting with Love and Logic.  I read it years ago, but it is now time to refresh.  I am arming myself with an arsenol of ideas to help me overcome.

Through it all though, I haven't forgot to consult God in prayer.  It may be as simple as taking a moment and saying, "What do I do God?  Can you help me here?"  I even pray in front of the children before our meals for everyone to get along, share, and be nice to each other; I find it no coincidence that my time with the children is often better after those prayers.  I admit that I am not perfect and am in need of guidance.  He's is teaching me. I am listening. I am learning.  I have to say the only reason I feel as though I haven't lost my cool is because I feel him sustaining me.  The old postpardum version of me would've flown off the handle and lost my cool countless times by now.  It amazes me how differently one's perspective becomes when you remember to consult the greatest parent of all.  He can't help you if you don't first invite him to help.  As my mom always says, God is a gentleman.  He would never impose.  He's just waiting for you to ask.

Thank you Jesus.  This is a tough job, but you have held me up through the challenge;)

Some day

I know I talk about this a lot, but I guess a lot of thoughts have been stirred up today after reading through this book I checked out at the library yesterday called, The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone.  Honestly I didn't have a clue that Alicia Silverstone was even vegan until I happened to see her on Oprah and heard her mention she wrote a book.  I was obviously intrigued.  The transition to vegetarian was so much easier than I expected, but I told myself there's no way I could ever be vegan.  Give up cheese, eggs, milk and other dairy products!  No way! 

On the show she kept saying that her recipes are so delicious you don't feel like your giving up anything.  She also said that you'll feel better, look better, etc. etc.  I was curious.  At the beginning of the book she makes the most compelling case against consuming any animal products.  Most of it is all health related and she is sure to site many studies.  You get a good picture of  what animal products do to your body and how your body will react when you switch to this diet.  At times it almost seems a little cheesy as she talks about how she just "loves" more as a result of this new diet.  And of course, no case could be as compelling without a few miracle stories of people who had cancer or other illnesses that magically disappeared on this diet.

Then she moves on to teach you how to shop for healthy whole foods, which one to buy, and lastly a bunch of recipes for these.  It really is very thorough and takes careful time to address typical questions about going vegan.

I would love, love, love to try this.  If it really is as good to your body as it claims to be, prevents you from ever getting sick, makes you feel better than you ever felt  makes you look better than you ever looked, and it really is as tasty as she claims, why wouldn't I?  Here's the but part......my husband is tolerant of my recent switch to becoming a vegetarian.  If I were to take cheese and dairy out of our diet...he may disown me.  Also, let's face it, to eat this way I would have to go to a health food store to buy a lot of products for our meals.  Those products aren't exactly friendly to the shoestring budget we live in.  It would take a lot of time and preparation to make a switch this drastic.Being a mom and daycare worker doesn't leave me with a lot of time to prepare stuff like this.  Half (if not most) of the products listed in these recipes look like a foreign language to me.  I suspect that I could spend hours in a whole foods store just reading the boxes and labels and figuring out how to cook the stuff.   And I can't even imagine getting the kids to eat these foods. 

I already get crazy looks from many people and even judgmental snickers from others about going vegetarian.  I just chalk it up to a lack of education.  People just ASSUME that being vegetarian means food will taste bad.  When you know the truth, you almost feel sorry for those people.   

So.....someday.....someday I am going to try this.  I may hate it, I may love it. It may have to wait until my kids are grown and gone and we are no longer supporting them so I can afford to buy these new and healthy foods.  But...I am putting this on my bucket list of things to try before I die.  Even if it's for a month, I want to try it.  Who knows, maybe it will help me kick that sugar addiction I so long to kick.  Alicia says it will LOL. 

Green list

I got to thinking it would nice to make a list of things I've done these past couple of years to try to be more green.  So here's my list so far:

1.  Made homemade wipes to clean kid's faces in kitchen and double as cloth napkins too.


2.   Use towels instead of paper towels. I haven't bought paper towels in.....a year?

3.  Use cloth diapers and cloth wipes instead of sposies 98% of the time.

4.  Use cloth grocery bags most grocery trips.  I do occasionally opt for plastic so I can stock up.  Those bags come in handy for throwing away daycare disposables.

5.  We got thermal drapes for our windows to help cut down on energy costs.

6.  We put up ceiling fans in every room to help cut down our use of the AC during summer months.

7.  We layer up in clothes and turn the heat down to a cooler temp in colder months

8.  I shower every other day (no I don't stink and when I do, I break this rule.  Perhaps I can get away with this because I don't work out and get all sweaty everyday:)  To be honest I prefer this because my skin doesn't dry out as badly.

9.  OK this one is not for the squeamish, so go to number 10 if you tend to squirm.  I made cloth sanitary napkins.  I haven't bought disposables in over a year now and I love them.

10.  We use water bottles 99% of the time.  Cuts down on dishes, no waste with plastic bottles, LOVE THEM!

11.  I started diluting liquid handsoap (2 tablespoons in dispenser and then fill with water) in my foaming handsoap dispensers.  Now we have a big jug of it and it lasts FOREVER!  Less waste there as we don't use as much soap and we aren't throwing away the dispensers anymore.

12.  I use vinegar and water to clean most everything.  I use Clorox Green to clean my toilets and bathrooms.  No more harsh chemicals here.

13.  I switched to a dishwashing soap that's supposed to be better for the environment, although so far I HATE it.  Not sure if my problem is the soap or the extremely hard water we have here, the jury is still out. 

14.  I make my own laundry soap.  Works great and EXTREMELY cheap.  I think I've spent maybe 15 bucks total on supplies for it in the past 18 months and I still have enough to make one more batch.

15.  I quit eating meat.  I eat a lot of beans.  I make up huge batches in my pressure cooker (uses less energy than running a crockpot all day).  I buy big bags of them and then make up more batches as I need them and freeze them in ziplocks so they're nice and handy.  Less waste this way as I don't have to throw away the cans that precooked comes in and I always wash my ziplocks and reuse.

16.  I'm trying to make things I want instead of buying them if possible.  Keeps me busy.  It's fun, and I feel like it's less wasteful as I always try to use, if possible, what I have instead of buying new


Things I'd still like to do:

1.  Get better at container gardening so I can make most of my own veggies.

2.  Insulate our attic better to cut down on energy costs.

3.  Get a fireplace in the basement to cut down on energy costs.

4.  Figure out some way to have recycling bins so we can recycle plastic, metal, glass, etc.  (Space is a problem here)

5.  Make my own personal hygene soaps and lotions (start up costs here always detour me from doing this)

6. We plan on getting the windows on our house tinted professionally. We were told this cuts down on energy loss from the windows by as much as 80%.

7.  Buy more things organic and buy meat (for the nonvegetarians) in my family locally.  Money is an issue here. 

8.  Get a more gas efficient van.  Do those even exist?  (Well obviously money is an issue here too) 

Well there you have it.  A list of me trying to do my part and ambitions to aim for to continue making my dent on a the world a little less severe:)

The bead jar and the spanking debate

What you are looking at folks is an idea I stole from a m agazine.  It was my feeble attempt to put an end to bedtime battles in a positive manner.  Did it work?  The first night was great.  The second night not so much.  The third night, I threatened a spanken (I haven't spanked Kadyn in almost a year).  I was desperate.  I hate spanking.  I was almost angry that I used the threat, but I was at my witts end with her.  I think all the whining, complaining, lack of appreciation for me helping out (I had picked up 3/4 of the toys for her earlier in the night), the dilly dallying around and getting distracted from picking up her toys, and then outright lying to me just took me about as far as I was willing to go that night.  I had a firm talk with her, tears were shed, and we agreed that we would start fresh the next night.  I made her very aware of the firm consequence that awaited her if she made the same bad decisions she had made that awful night.  It worked.  Tonight was glorious.  No complaining, whining, a lot of "thankyous" for my help, and the room was picked up in decent time (granted she was distracted a few times).  I am soooo relieved tonight didn't end in a spanking.  Honestly, I would be a very happy woman if I never have to make that threat again.

I hesitate even making this post as I know there are many people out there that are adamently against spanking.  I do have a stance on it, but I won't get in to all of that.  For me, however, I will say I made a decision a year ago try to avoid doing it at all costs.  I'm a little disappointed in myself for letting last night get to that threat; I was angry and I was tired.  I'm glad it worked, but...I hope I don't have to do that again.  This past year I had made a decision that I was not going to spank anymore because I felt as though it was always a decision I made based on my emotions, rather than a learning experience for my child.  I didn't feel I was in the proper mind to use it, and therefore it wasn't as effective and not fair at all for my child.  I don't want my child to walk away from the experience thinking, "When Mommy is angry, she spanks."  Rather, if used properly, she should be walking away from the experience thinking, "I made a bad choice.  I do not want to do that again." 

Honestly, I'm surprised I've made it an entire year without using it.  I would be a happy woman if I never have to make that threat or spank ever again.  I just pray that I can control my emotions enough to stick to that commitment.  I think what it's going to take is a lot of prayers that I can will myself to keep my cool, that my child will make good choices, and be respectful of me.

Part of me wishes that threat wouldn't have worked.  Not so that I could have spanked her, for heaven's sake.  But rather so that I'm not tempted to make the threat again.  Ugh!


On a different note (in case you were wondering about that jar), basically Kadyn has a list of chores that she is expected to do everyday which consist of the following:

-brush your teeth and hair
-make your bed
-use the bathroom
-get dressed
-pick up your toys at the end of the night

Then she has a list of optional chores that she can do for extra credit:

-clear the table (basically put the dishes on the counter by the sink)
-help Mama with the babies

There is a value assigned to each chore.  They are all printed on a list with pictures to help her read them.  For example, picking up toys earns her 3 pretty beads.  If she behaves badly I have the right to take some beads from her jar.  When her jar is full, she gets to pick out a movie at the movie store or go get an ice cream cone with Mama and Dada.  She seems to like the idea and we are sticking to it.....just wish it was the magic cure I was hoping for to end the toy battle every night.  Oh well!  It was good in theory.

Being a parent can be really, really hard.  That's all I have to say!

In case you were wondering

I just wanted to say for the record that I am an educated person.  All too often I am in a real toot to get my posts done before some little person demands my attention, so I can't take the time to go back and proof my posts.  I hit publish, and then I go back later and proof (probably after everyone has read my typo ridden posts).  Anyhow, I go back and read through them and then think, "Geeze Darci, not looking too smart there."  I suppose I should just save it as a draft and go back and proof and publish much later.  I guess I just get too excited to share my world with everyone else that I can't help but hit publish..... so in case you are wondering, yes I do know how to spell, punctuate, and use correct grammar.  Forgive me if that drives you nutty when you read a post and it needs proofed.  It's the warty side of me:)

Because I'm a Mom

For some time I've been thinking about the depth of love God has for me.  I could feel it as a child growing up, but I'm not really sure I ever really got it until I became a mother.  It's not because I can compare his love for me with the love I have for my child.  It's more along the lines that I feel so incredibly blessed to have these wonderful little human beings in my life that helps me realize the depths of his love for me.  I really think children are life's BIGGEST blessings.  I feel so unworthy to be given such a precious and special gift and yet he fulfilled my heart's desires with these children.  He knew the happiness and joy they would give me.  He knew I'd screw up sometimes as a parent and yet he gave them to me anyways.  He knew how big of a responsibility it is to raise these precious little miracles and he trusted me to do a good job.  It delights him to see me so in love with these little people in the same way I delight in seeing the joy in my child's eyes when their Daddy chases them around the house, or seeing the excitement in their eyes when they get a new toy.  God wants me to be happy.  Knowing this makes me fall in love with him all over again.  Knowing he wants me to be happy makes me want to make him happy.  His love comes full circle.

I've also been more understanding of his mercy and forgiveness since I have been a mother.  It's not because of the mercy that I have to bestow on my children when they misbehave.  On the contrary, it's because of the mercy I have requested because I have screwed up as a parent.  Before, my mistakes really only affected me.  I could ask for forgiveness and move on.  Now, as a parent,  I know my mistakes have so much more bearing on them.  They affect my children.  The guilt that carries with it can sometimes be overwhelming.  I have failed on numerous occasions in my parenting and it seems I shouldn't be deserving of such forgiveness and yet, he offers it freely.  What a blessing!  What a gift! How loved I feel to be offered forgiveness especially when it concerns his precious little people.


So this post is really just a reflection of how life has really changed since I became a Mom.    How suddenly a little light bulb has gone off in my head.  I finally get it....because I'm a Mom.  Thanks Jesus!