Saturday, March 9, 2013
In my happy place
This week I have been thinking a lot about how balanced my life feels. Teaching has given me back a joy I have missed for a long time. I have a house I love and fits us perfectly, my perfect little family of four, the most amazing, supportive, and loving husband ever, the cutest, brightest, and best kids who love each other, a town I love to live in, a vehicle that is reliable and accommodating, a new dedication to my health through diet and exercise that is paying off, clothing that I feel comfortable and confident in, a schedule that is perfect for me and my family, a church that we like, friendships that are growing, the ability to go on vacations again, family that visits us, a hobby that I love and am inspired to get better at, neighbors who are like family, and a great daily walk with my savior.
I am so incredibly fulfilled right now I just want to rest in the place forever. I still have dreams and goals for my future like getting a full time music job, finishing our basement, going on bigger vacations, etc. After all, a person needs things to always look forward too, but right now I can honestly say I am in a very happy place in my life and so incredibly thankful for the blessings I have received. When I dreamed of my life as a little girl, I didn't know the details of what would make me happy, but I knew the dream was to be happy living life with my family. I am there. Thank you Lord!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Not your average girly girl
We have a black tie event coming up. It happens each year at this time. Some of the women who go to this event look like they are going to the Grammys. Others look like they are dressed nicely for a wedding with a little glam thrown in. In years past I have worn formal gowns I already had around from other event in my life. Last year I found a cute shimmery gray cocktail dress for cheap. This year Jeff gave me permission to go find something again. I went shopping. I went to SEVERAL stores. I hate shopping. I like new clothing, but I hate trying things on, getting discouraged, and especially leaving without anything to show for it. Such a waste of time. I am not your stereotypical woman who loves to shop.
After a half a day of shopping for a gown, I came home empty handed. It wasn't that I couldn't find anything, it was that I couldn't find anything I was willing to spend money on. To get a nice formal gown, I would have to spend 100 dollars plus. It is SO hard for me to justify spending that kind of money on a piece of clothing I will only wear once, maybe twice if I rotate my gowns for this event. Then there's the chance it won't fit when you do want to wear it again. Blah!
I would much rather spend that money on something I can wear more than once. I want my moneys worth!
SO...this year I am wearing a simple black dress I bought on clearance several months ago. It is oh so plain, but I spent a little money on accessories to add a color pop and dress it up. It won't be anywhere near the fancy as what I will see that night, but I will feel a lot better knowing I can actually rewear my purchases for concerts at school and such. Maybe some day when I have a job that pays more, I can make a splurge and get the over the top gown, but not this year.
I know some women right now think I am crazy. What kind of woman doesn't like getting all done up and looking fancy smancy? I guess this woman. Dressing up is not as fun as it used to be. Skin isn't as tight, tummy not as toned, thighs not as small. You know what I'm talking about middle aged ladies. I'm working on it and I'm making progress.
I felt like this year no matter what I chose, I was going to feel guilty. Guilty for not dressing to the hilt and impressing my man (I could sense a little disappointment in my decision), or guilt for dressing to the hilt and spending a whole lot of money doing it, FOR. ONE. NIGHT. A girl can't win!
After a half a day of shopping for a gown, I came home empty handed. It wasn't that I couldn't find anything, it was that I couldn't find anything I was willing to spend money on. To get a nice formal gown, I would have to spend 100 dollars plus. It is SO hard for me to justify spending that kind of money on a piece of clothing I will only wear once, maybe twice if I rotate my gowns for this event. Then there's the chance it won't fit when you do want to wear it again. Blah!
I would much rather spend that money on something I can wear more than once. I want my moneys worth!
SO...this year I am wearing a simple black dress I bought on clearance several months ago. It is oh so plain, but I spent a little money on accessories to add a color pop and dress it up. It won't be anywhere near the fancy as what I will see that night, but I will feel a lot better knowing I can actually rewear my purchases for concerts at school and such. Maybe some day when I have a job that pays more, I can make a splurge and get the over the top gown, but not this year.
I know some women right now think I am crazy. What kind of woman doesn't like getting all done up and looking fancy smancy? I guess this woman. Dressing up is not as fun as it used to be. Skin isn't as tight, tummy not as toned, thighs not as small. You know what I'm talking about middle aged ladies. I'm working on it and I'm making progress.
I felt like this year no matter what I chose, I was going to feel guilty. Guilty for not dressing to the hilt and impressing my man (I could sense a little disappointment in my decision), or guilt for dressing to the hilt and spending a whole lot of money doing it, FOR. ONE. NIGHT. A girl can't win!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Change for age
My weight has been an up/down cycle. I have never let it get to the level of obesity because when I get to a certain weight, I feel uncomfortable and my confidence levels go down. This alone boosts my motivation to do something about it. I've tried different things and been successful at them all. Among those things is counting calories and exercising, going vegetarian, and portion control. Out of those things, the only thing that seemed like it should be a lifelong change is portion control. Staying vegetarian....super hard. Counting calories the rest of my life....no thanks!
Both Jeff and I got to our upper points with our weight at the end of last year. We both wanted to make changes. This time we are approaching it differently. Our motivation has changed. I'm not sure if it's a middle aged crisis thing or what, but this time we are motivated to change our diet and exercise because we want to be healthy. We no longer hold the hope that we can have the perfect bod, but know we can have a healthy one. We want to grow old gracefully and feel good as we age. I have told myself that I will not weigh myself because I don't want my efforts to be driven by a number on a scale (I only cheated on this once so far). I just want to exercise on a regular basis, eat a well balanced diet, get a good night's sleep, watch my portions, control my sugar intake, and see what happens and where my body settles in.
So far we are three weeks in. I have noticed a difference. I do think I have lost weight but have no idea how much because I am not weighing myself. My clothes feel better and I like the little changes I am seeing in my body in the mirror. I have plenty of energy too. We are exercising 4 days a week, together. I am packing my lunches so I'm not tempted to eat more (way too easy to do when you eat at home). I am trying to stick to my sweet Saturday rule (cheated a couple times because of Valentines, tisk, tisk). I am going to bed consistently at 10:00.
One difficult transition is portion control. My eyes are always bigger than my actual stomach. I am trying to retrain myself to realize I don't need as much as I think I do to get full. I'm trying to listen to my body when it gets to it's full point. And....I'm trying to force myself to wait 10 minutes before going for seconds to let my full button have a chance to kick in. It usually does and I usually am glad I did wait. And because I'm eating lots of fruits and veggies I don't get hungry at all.
So I'm hoping the way we are going about this is a plan that will literally be a lifestyle change that lasts instead of just having a goal of loosing weight then going back to your old ways when you get down to your magic number. I'm tired of yo-yoing with my weight. I'm ready to just do the right thing and be happy with myself. I want to really feel that age is just a number. I don't necessarily have to feel my age. In fact, I want to defy it. I don't fear getting older, I fear what can happen to my body if I don't take care of it.
I feel very blessed that my husband and I are on the same page with this. It makes it SOOOO much easier when you do it together and can hold each other accountable. We have carved out a exercise schedule and call it "family workout time." We want our girls to see us taking care of ourselves so they grow up knowing they should do so also. I also feel very blessed that we have the means to work out in our own home. We have made an investment in exercise equipment. Both Jeff and I feel that in the long run we will stick with it if we have the ability to exercise in our own home and this is the first home we have the space for the equipment. We find ourselves making too many excuses when we try to commit to doing it to a gym. Scheduling that time away from home is super difficult with a young family. There are no excuses NOT to do it when you have the ability to do it in the comfort of your own home.
I do not desire to give monthly updates to hold myself accountable. That never works for me. I only posted this because it's what's going on in our lives right now. A family update if you will. So there you have it. A change we are trying to implement in our family. Lord willing, it will last this time. We shall see.
Both Jeff and I got to our upper points with our weight at the end of last year. We both wanted to make changes. This time we are approaching it differently. Our motivation has changed. I'm not sure if it's a middle aged crisis thing or what, but this time we are motivated to change our diet and exercise because we want to be healthy. We no longer hold the hope that we can have the perfect bod, but know we can have a healthy one. We want to grow old gracefully and feel good as we age. I have told myself that I will not weigh myself because I don't want my efforts to be driven by a number on a scale (I only cheated on this once so far). I just want to exercise on a regular basis, eat a well balanced diet, get a good night's sleep, watch my portions, control my sugar intake, and see what happens and where my body settles in.
So far we are three weeks in. I have noticed a difference. I do think I have lost weight but have no idea how much because I am not weighing myself. My clothes feel better and I like the little changes I am seeing in my body in the mirror. I have plenty of energy too. We are exercising 4 days a week, together. I am packing my lunches so I'm not tempted to eat more (way too easy to do when you eat at home). I am trying to stick to my sweet Saturday rule (cheated a couple times because of Valentines, tisk, tisk). I am going to bed consistently at 10:00.
One difficult transition is portion control. My eyes are always bigger than my actual stomach. I am trying to retrain myself to realize I don't need as much as I think I do to get full. I'm trying to listen to my body when it gets to it's full point. And....I'm trying to force myself to wait 10 minutes before going for seconds to let my full button have a chance to kick in. It usually does and I usually am glad I did wait. And because I'm eating lots of fruits and veggies I don't get hungry at all.
So I'm hoping the way we are going about this is a plan that will literally be a lifestyle change that lasts instead of just having a goal of loosing weight then going back to your old ways when you get down to your magic number. I'm tired of yo-yoing with my weight. I'm ready to just do the right thing and be happy with myself. I want to really feel that age is just a number. I don't necessarily have to feel my age. In fact, I want to defy it. I don't fear getting older, I fear what can happen to my body if I don't take care of it.
I feel very blessed that my husband and I are on the same page with this. It makes it SOOOO much easier when you do it together and can hold each other accountable. We have carved out a exercise schedule and call it "family workout time." We want our girls to see us taking care of ourselves so they grow up knowing they should do so also. I also feel very blessed that we have the means to work out in our own home. We have made an investment in exercise equipment. Both Jeff and I feel that in the long run we will stick with it if we have the ability to exercise in our own home and this is the first home we have the space for the equipment. We find ourselves making too many excuses when we try to commit to doing it to a gym. Scheduling that time away from home is super difficult with a young family. There are no excuses NOT to do it when you have the ability to do it in the comfort of your own home.
I do not desire to give monthly updates to hold myself accountable. That never works for me. I only posted this because it's what's going on in our lives right now. A family update if you will. So there you have it. A change we are trying to implement in our family. Lord willing, it will last this time. We shall see.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
I am not entitled....
(this has been swirling in my head for a few days now, thought I'd get it down as future reference for myself)
I am NOT entitled....
to a nice 3 bedroom home, but God freely gave anyways
to two wonderful, gorgeous children, but God freely gave anyways
to a wonderful, supportive, husband who provides, but God freely gave anyways
to supportive parents, but God freely gave anyways
to live in a beautiful area of the world, but God freely gave anyways
to a nice well running vehicle, but God freely gave anyways
to have extra money to go on occasional vacations and/or fun outings, but God freely gave anyways
to have breaks with my children, but God freely gave anyways
to have a husband with a job that gives him ample family time, but God freely gave anyways
to great, friendly neighbors, but God freely gave anyways
to food on my table, hot water, and flushing toilets, but God freely gave anyways
to a heated house with running water, laundry machines, and a dishwasher, but God freely gave anyways
to my life, but God freely gave anyways
"Blessed are those who do not see, and yet still believe" (John 20:29)
When you reflect on your life, I mean really reflect, you realize how true this verse is. I really have a hard time being around people who have a constant sense of entitlement. We are all sinners and probably don't deserve a fraction of what we've been given. This is not to say that I haven't taken for granted on occasion my blessings, but for the most part, I try to count my blessings and remain content with what I've been given. Not all these blessings I have listed have I always had. Some have come to me after years of wanting them. I am beyond blessed. It isn't always easy to remember this, but it keeps me grounded when I do. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. It's green right now in your own pasture. You just have to be willing to sit back and take a look through God's lense. Then it becomes clear as day how much he loves you, how often he shows it, and how selfish we all can be when we lose sight of this.
This year has felt like a year of healing for me. I'm not sure I could posted this a year ago. Being at home with my children was great, but being homebound because I had to watch other people's children all day was tough, really, really tough for me (not one of them was easy to watch). It literally turned me into someone I didn't recognize anymore. For the first time in a long time, I finally feel like me. I just want to shout, Darci's back! If one thing my trials in years past have done for me, it's helped me to really feel empathy for those who are in the midst of their own trials. My heart aches for them. Even though I don't know exactly what it's like to be in their shoes and go through what they have or are going through, I know what it's like to be stuck in a dark place that seems never ending. I know what it's like to loose sight of who you are or want to be and loosing your hope of a better tomorrow. My prayer is that God will shower them with his neverending love and that they will feel it, really, really feel it. I know trials are necessary and important in the life of a believer. It draws us closer to our creator, but I can't help but dread those to come in my own life because I'm sure I have many more ahead of me. However for now, I'm happy for this year of healing and a break from the hard times. I'm hoping this post will serve as a reminder to myself during the next trial, that there is light at the end of each tunnel, hold on, count your blessings, and be thankful that you have a savior to forgive you when you let your circumstances get the better of you!
I am NOT entitled....
to a nice 3 bedroom home, but God freely gave anyways
to two wonderful, gorgeous children, but God freely gave anyways
to a wonderful, supportive, husband who provides, but God freely gave anyways
to supportive parents, but God freely gave anyways
to live in a beautiful area of the world, but God freely gave anyways
to a nice well running vehicle, but God freely gave anyways
to have extra money to go on occasional vacations and/or fun outings, but God freely gave anyways
to have breaks with my children, but God freely gave anyways
to have a husband with a job that gives him ample family time, but God freely gave anyways
to great, friendly neighbors, but God freely gave anyways
to food on my table, hot water, and flushing toilets, but God freely gave anyways
to a heated house with running water, laundry machines, and a dishwasher, but God freely gave anyways
to my life, but God freely gave anyways
"Blessed are those who do not see, and yet still believe" (John 20:29)
When you reflect on your life, I mean really reflect, you realize how true this verse is. I really have a hard time being around people who have a constant sense of entitlement. We are all sinners and probably don't deserve a fraction of what we've been given. This is not to say that I haven't taken for granted on occasion my blessings, but for the most part, I try to count my blessings and remain content with what I've been given. Not all these blessings I have listed have I always had. Some have come to me after years of wanting them. I am beyond blessed. It isn't always easy to remember this, but it keeps me grounded when I do. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. It's green right now in your own pasture. You just have to be willing to sit back and take a look through God's lense. Then it becomes clear as day how much he loves you, how often he shows it, and how selfish we all can be when we lose sight of this.
This year has felt like a year of healing for me. I'm not sure I could posted this a year ago. Being at home with my children was great, but being homebound because I had to watch other people's children all day was tough, really, really tough for me (not one of them was easy to watch). It literally turned me into someone I didn't recognize anymore. For the first time in a long time, I finally feel like me. I just want to shout, Darci's back! If one thing my trials in years past have done for me, it's helped me to really feel empathy for those who are in the midst of their own trials. My heart aches for them. Even though I don't know exactly what it's like to be in their shoes and go through what they have or are going through, I know what it's like to be stuck in a dark place that seems never ending. I know what it's like to loose sight of who you are or want to be and loosing your hope of a better tomorrow. My prayer is that God will shower them with his neverending love and that they will feel it, really, really feel it. I know trials are necessary and important in the life of a believer. It draws us closer to our creator, but I can't help but dread those to come in my own life because I'm sure I have many more ahead of me. However for now, I'm happy for this year of healing and a break from the hard times. I'm hoping this post will serve as a reminder to myself during the next trial, that there is light at the end of each tunnel, hold on, count your blessings, and be thankful that you have a savior to forgive you when you let your circumstances get the better of you!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Shew!
The cats out of the bag at work. It has been weird and awkward for me to look for other jobs and keep it secret at work (other than 2 other teachers who agreed to keep my secret safe, I needed a reference from work ya know). I wasn't sure how my boss would feel knowing I was looking. I also didn't want it to motivate her to let me go at the end of the year or make things awkward between us.
Today I was asked point blank if I was returning next year. I had no choice but to tell her I was looking and wasn't sure. We had a heart to heart and she understands that my real calling is teaching music full time and it is what I'm passionate about. She totally understood saying she can hear the joy coming out of my music room when I teach. She didn't seem hurt or put out by this news at all. She even teared up and said that I am really good and the kids love me and she would totally miss having music at school so she obviously doesn't want me to go. It was good to hear that.
I now feel like I am in the best place I can be. If I get another job, there will be no hard feelings. If a future employer needs to call her and ask her about my performance, I'm confident she will do the right thing and give me a good review. It won't be a shock to her and she can be prepared if God opens doors for me elsewhere. On the other hand, if doors remain closed, I will still have a place at my current school. I have no reason to believe she would try to get rid of me and know she appreciates me and likes having me at the school.
Sigh! That's relief you hear. I hate keeping secrets. God bless my boss!
Today I was asked point blank if I was returning next year. I had no choice but to tell her I was looking and wasn't sure. We had a heart to heart and she understands that my real calling is teaching music full time and it is what I'm passionate about. She totally understood saying she can hear the joy coming out of my music room when I teach. She didn't seem hurt or put out by this news at all. She even teared up and said that I am really good and the kids love me and she would totally miss having music at school so she obviously doesn't want me to go. It was good to hear that.
I now feel like I am in the best place I can be. If I get another job, there will be no hard feelings. If a future employer needs to call her and ask her about my performance, I'm confident she will do the right thing and give me a good review. It won't be a shock to her and she can be prepared if God opens doors for me elsewhere. On the other hand, if doors remain closed, I will still have a place at my current school. I have no reason to believe she would try to get rid of me and know she appreciates me and likes having me at the school.
Sigh! That's relief you hear. I hate keeping secrets. God bless my boss!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
The last leg of her journey
Those who know me know I own what some would call repulsive creatures....rats. Too us, they're furry little balls of fun and love. We love them so much! When they came into our lives 1.5 years ago I knew that they would be a short term pet as their life expectancy is 2 to 3 years. So I guess you could say they are now on the final leg of their journey with us.
Daphne is the lazier of the two rats. She is also the porker of the two. I always thought she would be the first to go because she is more lazy. I think my assumption may be accurate. We have noticed in the past few weeks Daphne is acting a lot more sluggish, even more than normal. The way she moved in her cage made me wonder if she was getting arthritis. Then tonight I found a lump. Female rats are known to get tumors, so I can't say I'm surprised. I have no idea how much time she has, and I'm dreading seeing this thing grow. We will have her put down when the quality of her life is no longer good enough to go on, but for now we are going to love on her as much as we can in the time we have left with her and let her have as much time as she can with her sister.
The good news is that her sister, Daisy is still as lively and spry as ever. She has always been our mischievous rat and the most affectionate of the two. She begs to get out every time you pass her cage. I love her to bits!
I'm not looking forward to this last leg. I'm not looking forward to seeing the ratters decline, especially Daphne with her tumor. And most of all, I'm nervous about watching Daisy grieve when her friend passes. Rats are extremely social critters and it is very common for them to grieve for each other when the other passes. This could be a sad couple of months. Sigh!
 |
| Daphne |
Daphne is the lazier of the two rats. She is also the porker of the two. I always thought she would be the first to go because she is more lazy. I think my assumption may be accurate. We have noticed in the past few weeks Daphne is acting a lot more sluggish, even more than normal. The way she moved in her cage made me wonder if she was getting arthritis. Then tonight I found a lump. Female rats are known to get tumors, so I can't say I'm surprised. I have no idea how much time she has, and I'm dreading seeing this thing grow. We will have her put down when the quality of her life is no longer good enough to go on, but for now we are going to love on her as much as we can in the time we have left with her and let her have as much time as she can with her sister.
I'm not looking forward to this last leg. I'm not looking forward to seeing the ratters decline, especially Daphne with her tumor. And most of all, I'm nervous about watching Daisy grieve when her friend passes. Rats are extremely social critters and it is very common for them to grieve for each other when the other passes. This could be a sad couple of months. Sigh!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Toothless wonder
...and she's got two more loose ones. If they don't start growing soon, she's going to have to go back to baby food. Poor girl. Sure is cute though. She recently discovered the truth about the tooth fairy (and the Easter bunny, and Santa). After this one came out she looked at me, held out her hand, and said, "I want my two bucks!" Stinker! Luckily, Bren hasn't caught on despite our candid talks in front of her about those things. Kadyn says she'll try to keep the secret alive for Bren. We shall see.
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