Monday was my last day. It was a nice day. The district actually gave us the entire day to work in our classrooms. Last year they made us sit through meetings. I had already packed up both of my classrooms, so I spent the entire day working on next year's lessons. I literally have the entire year planned out for next school year. Can we say Type A? I try hard not to bring much work home with me because I value my family time and know I can easily burn myself out if I am not careful. About the only plans I have for work this summer involve reading two books as part of my professional development plans.
On my way out of the building I felt giddy. I had a smile plastered off my face and I don't think anything could have wiped it off. I feel like I need summer more than I did at this time last year. This year I had some hard punches. I need time to disconnect from my professional life, relax, enjoy my family, and remember who I am outside of work. Here is my list of want to dos. Some of them may not get done. Depends on money.
1. Get a season pass to the beach. I really prefer the beach to the swimming pool.
2. Get the basement in better shape so it is more inviting or at least as inviting as an unfinished basement can be. Jeff is adding some walls. They won't be mudded or painted but at least it will help hide the girls' playroom mess, our storage area, and Jeff's office. I might staple a few sheets up to cover up the insulation on the outerwalls that don't have drywall. Maybe I'll even hang a few pictures. Why not?
3. Redo my bedroom. My bedroom/bath are the only rooms I haven't redone to the new color scheme. I have plans to conquer the bath over winter break.
4. Find a nice table/desk to refinish at a thrift store and turn it into a sewing table to put downstairs in my new sewing area
5. Find a trunk or chest of drawers at a thrift store and convert into a nice hidey hole for Harry's liter box downstairs. I've seen a lot ideas on pinterest that are really cool.
6. Set up a 10 gallon planted aquarium. I really miss having an aquarium. I got rid of my 55 gallon aquarium a couple years ago because it was starting to fall apart and we didn't have the funds to get it fixed back up. Plus I need a break from the maintenance of an aquarium. I'm ready again. Have you seen planted aquariums? They are gorgeous! I no longer can have real plants in the house because Harry has an affinity for them. I LOVE PLANTS! Having real ones enclosed in a tank with fish just sounds lovely. In another life, I should have been a marine bioligist. I have such an affinity for aquatic life.
7. Keep Brennan and Kadyn reading. Kadyn devours books so trips to Springfield are in order to keep a book in her hands all summer. Brennan improved leaps and bounds over the school year and is on the cusp of starting chapter books. I'm hoping to get her that far by the end of the summer.
8. Finish the girls dollhouse.
9. Cook up some new, delicious recipes.
10. Start a new addicting series on Netflix. My idea of relaxing and recharging often involves getting so lost in a good series you forget about the world around you. The kind that you are willing to stay up way to late to see because you've GOT to see what happens in the next episode. Those are the best!
11. Go to CO with my sister and her kids to see my folks.
12. Go to six flags in St. Louis with my family and the church youth.
13. Rent a boat and do the lake thing the way it's meant to be done.
14. Catch fireflies and make glow in the dark bubbles.
15. Make curtains for my classroom.
16. Read two professional development books.
Aw summer! I literally can't imagine my life without one. How do normal working folk do it? I'm a lucky gal.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
A good predicament
In my last post I shared my journey starting to change my diet to be healthier. Since that post. I have lost another 2 pounds. Honestly, I thought I was done loosing. The last two pounds have come off very slowly and are a nice surprise. I am now on the cusp of having to buy new clothes; some clothes are starting to hang on me, others fit much better but if I loose more will also be hanging on me. Going without a belt is not an option anymore.
You would think I would be excited about this, and I am. However, today I had to take off my wedding ring. I just couldn't take it spinning around my finger all the time. It is loose enough there is a chance it could slide right off my finger when I'm swimming. All this is to say, as much as I want to own my weight loss as a done deal and a forever new me, I am cautiously optimistic. I have only been doing this new way of eating since Easter. Knowing my past, I have reason to believe I will eventually gain it back and slip into old habits. I always have. Why would now be any different? New clothes are costly. Then there's the depression that comes with spending all that money only to watch yourself grow out of all those nice new clothes. Buying them is almost feels like putting a guilt trip on myself. Want a piece of pie, better not, I might grow out of those new clothes. Want a big juicy cheeseburger, better not I might outgrow those new clothes. Blegh! I don't want to fear food. I wish I could just wait until a year is passed to make sure I can maintain through another Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas. Just time to know that even with an occasional splurge I can maintain if I stay consistent the rest of the time. Time to know that I won't let an occasional splurge let me completely fall off the bandwagon.
About the only decision I've come to so far is that for now, I am waiting to replenish my wardrobe with things that fit better. I just want more time to settle into this lifestyle change. More time to prove to myself that I can do this for the long haul. About the only thing I am planning on doing for myself at this point is to buy workout shorts. I don't own any so I wouldn't be replacing anything. I would really like to stay active this summer and my jean shorts aren't cutting it. I spent the better half of my time on the treadmill this morning holding my jean shorts up so they wouldn't rub and chafe my body.
A nice perk of all this change is my girls are watching. I get glimpses of how powerful our influences are as their parents when my kindergartener asks me daily after school if she made the healthiest choice for her lunch that day. The kids at school are always given the choice of two different main dishes at our school. The girls have also been very intrigued with my smoothies and are eager to try them. They have been good about trying new things I've been cooking up. They don't argue if I refuse to give them unhealthy snacks because they see my example and know I value health. In a nutshell, I am modeling the same eating habits I expect from them.
Now Jeff, he's another story. He tries to be healthy and goes through spurts, but can be downright stubborn with certain foods. The only thing I have asked of him is that he not give me grief for wanting to do this for myself and my girls. He may not always like what I cook, but he always has the option to opt out and do his own thing. He exercises this choice a lot. He's gotten better about not being grumpy about it, but it's hard for him. I will say he has been supportive in the fact that he lets me buy whatever I am wanting to try for the week foodwise without complaint.
It's been an interesting journey. It will be interesting to see where I sit a year from now. A good friend of mine also changed the way she ate a long time ago. She gives me hope because she said she never did go back to her old ways. It gives me hope. We'll see.
You would think I would be excited about this, and I am. However, today I had to take off my wedding ring. I just couldn't take it spinning around my finger all the time. It is loose enough there is a chance it could slide right off my finger when I'm swimming. All this is to say, as much as I want to own my weight loss as a done deal and a forever new me, I am cautiously optimistic. I have only been doing this new way of eating since Easter. Knowing my past, I have reason to believe I will eventually gain it back and slip into old habits. I always have. Why would now be any different? New clothes are costly. Then there's the depression that comes with spending all that money only to watch yourself grow out of all those nice new clothes. Buying them is almost feels like putting a guilt trip on myself. Want a piece of pie, better not, I might grow out of those new clothes. Want a big juicy cheeseburger, better not I might outgrow those new clothes. Blegh! I don't want to fear food. I wish I could just wait until a year is passed to make sure I can maintain through another Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas. Just time to know that even with an occasional splurge I can maintain if I stay consistent the rest of the time. Time to know that I won't let an occasional splurge let me completely fall off the bandwagon.
About the only decision I've come to so far is that for now, I am waiting to replenish my wardrobe with things that fit better. I just want more time to settle into this lifestyle change. More time to prove to myself that I can do this for the long haul. About the only thing I am planning on doing for myself at this point is to buy workout shorts. I don't own any so I wouldn't be replacing anything. I would really like to stay active this summer and my jean shorts aren't cutting it. I spent the better half of my time on the treadmill this morning holding my jean shorts up so they wouldn't rub and chafe my body.
A nice perk of all this change is my girls are watching. I get glimpses of how powerful our influences are as their parents when my kindergartener asks me daily after school if she made the healthiest choice for her lunch that day. The kids at school are always given the choice of two different main dishes at our school. The girls have also been very intrigued with my smoothies and are eager to try them. They have been good about trying new things I've been cooking up. They don't argue if I refuse to give them unhealthy snacks because they see my example and know I value health. In a nutshell, I am modeling the same eating habits I expect from them.
Now Jeff, he's another story. He tries to be healthy and goes through spurts, but can be downright stubborn with certain foods. The only thing I have asked of him is that he not give me grief for wanting to do this for myself and my girls. He may not always like what I cook, but he always has the option to opt out and do his own thing. He exercises this choice a lot. He's gotten better about not being grumpy about it, but it's hard for him. I will say he has been supportive in the fact that he lets me buy whatever I am wanting to try for the week foodwise without complaint.
It's been an interesting journey. It will be interesting to see where I sit a year from now. A good friend of mine also changed the way she ate a long time ago. She gives me hope because she said she never did go back to her old ways. It gives me hope. We'll see.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Sustainable
Here is some good news in my world. The Tuesday before Easter I decided it was time to be healthier. There were various reasons I wanted to do this. There were a few odd things my body was doing that weren't normal for me and I suspected my diet was part of the problem. Also, at the time, we were still planning a beach vacation this summer and I wanted to look good for pictures. Lastly, I just wanted to be healthier for myself and my family. So....I finally bit the bullet and made some changes.
I wouldn't call myself a yo-yo dieter per say. I have been on a few diets in my time, but it's not constantly up and down. Last time I changed the way I ate was several years ago when I went vegetarian for an entire year. Then there was another time years before that I counted calories keeping a food log and increasing my activity. Both of those worked for me, but niether were what I would call sustainable because they were hard to maintain and continue. They were just......work.
I don't even like the word diet. In my opinion when you hear that word, you think of a temporary plan to get weight off. It can also be associated with the notion of being deprived in some way. Deprivation of carbs, deprivation of meat, you name it. Then, when you do get the weight off, what then? How do you maintain? Continual deprivation of something or another just seems irrational to me and not very practical for the long term.
Therefore, I knew this time it had to be different. As they all say, being healthy isn't temporary, it literally is a lifestyle change. That's not to say I will be strong enough to do this my whole life. I always do fall off the bandwagon and then eventually I become uncomfortable enough to get my butt in gear and do something. I am in that season currently. You never know though, I may just surprise myself.
So here was my plan:
#1 Get control of the sugar. Halloween got me on this roller coaster of constant sweets. It snowballed when Christmas came, then New Years, then Valentines, then birthdays. It never stops. Eventually it was just common place to always have a sweet after every meal. To crave it after EVERY meal. Our sweet Saturday had literally gone out the window.
#2 Part of controlling sugar was also cutting back on carbs. I'm not saying cut it out of my diet all together, but cut back. Not every meal has to have bread of some kind. I started subbing out bread for lettuce wraps. I started making more meals consisting of meat, veggies, and fruit.
#3 Exercise portion control. Jeff had found some dishes that were an exact match to the set we already had, but were larger than the salad plates and smaller than the dinner plates. They were perfect sized. I could fill them up and when I ran out of space, that was it. No seconds. Also, I made sure to make the bulk of the plate veggies, and fruit with a little meat and bread. When I first started this, I would finish my plate and naturally want more because I was used to eating more. But what I found, and what I had suspected all along, once my food had time to settle for 10 minutes, I wasn't hungry after all. Eventually, my body acclimated to smaller portions and I would feel full when I was done with my plate. And even though I knew I was eating less, it didn't seem that way because my smaller plate was covered in food. Something about seeing an entire plate covered with food just makes you feel like you're getting enough even if it is a smaller plate. Weird and hard to explain.
#4 Make the foods I was preparing cleaner. I started researching easy, quick, and healthy lunch ideas. Instead of sauces and dressings, I started using different kinds of olives, peppers, feta cheese, and spices to add that burst of flavor the sauces used to get me. When you entertain your pallet with new and exciting flavors, you don't crave as much food. It is just more exciting to eat. Preparing lunches was a little more work than it used to be, but I didn't mind because it was exciting creating new things I never tried and I was so excited to try them at work the next day.
#5 Find suitable replacements for things I love so I don't have to give up family traditions. I would NEVER be able to stay on this meal plan if I had to give up pizza family movie night and sweet saturday. I found a cauliflower pizza crust recipe and gave it a try. To my amazement it was delish and SUPER close to the real deal. Close enough that I didn't feel like I was missing my old frozen pizza. I also started looking up all sorts of yummy low calorie fruit smoothies that were wonderful replacements for the big sweet I would have every sweet Saturday. Chocolate/Protein (all made with very healthy natural ingredients) shakes were a great meal replacements for my Saturday morning bagels with nutella. When you don't feel deprived, you don't feel like giving up.
#6 Give up soda. This was a sad one for me. I always look forward to one coke zero every day after school. It was a like a reward at the end of the day. However, I know that stuff is horrible for you and have read multiple times it can hinder weight loss. I have replaced my soda with a pitcher of green tea I make to get me through a week at a time sweetened with stevia. It seems to be doing the trick. Also, I have stopped using creamers loaded with sugar and switched to coconut oil and stevia in my coffee each morning.
I am now almost five weeks in and I have lost 12 pounds. I have only veered off my plan twice. We had some left over cadbury eggs that had haunted me day after day when I started. I finally gave myself permission to have one. Cravings for that have pretty much gone. Friday, the family wanted to go to pizza hut to cash in book it coupons for Brennan. I could choose to starve until I got home and watch everyone else eat feeling sorry for myself, or just give myself permission to splurge. I decided it's OK to splurge and probably necessary so you don't start to resent your commitment to the plan. Again, if you allow yourself occasional splurges you don't feel like your punishing yourself. As long as the splurges are few and far inbetween I see no harm in doing them.
So how do I feel? Mentally I feel good knowing I am taking better care of my body. Some of my symptoms of eating too much sugar have started to go away. It's nice that my clothes are no longer snug and are even starting to sag a little. If I loose more I will probably have to go down a size. I'm not sure how much more I will loose until things start to level out. I figure I'll just let my body keep going to where it wants to be on this plan and when it finds its happy weight on this plan, I'll be happy with it whatever it may be. As long as I'm healthy, there shouldn't be a certain number I have to be. I am currently 5 pounds under my wedding day weight which is surprising since I don't feel like I am depriving myself of anything. I am full, content, my pallet is entertained. It is a good place to be. Here's to maintaining. I have a good thing going.
I wouldn't call myself a yo-yo dieter per say. I have been on a few diets in my time, but it's not constantly up and down. Last time I changed the way I ate was several years ago when I went vegetarian for an entire year. Then there was another time years before that I counted calories keeping a food log and increasing my activity. Both of those worked for me, but niether were what I would call sustainable because they were hard to maintain and continue. They were just......work.
I don't even like the word diet. In my opinion when you hear that word, you think of a temporary plan to get weight off. It can also be associated with the notion of being deprived in some way. Deprivation of carbs, deprivation of meat, you name it. Then, when you do get the weight off, what then? How do you maintain? Continual deprivation of something or another just seems irrational to me and not very practical for the long term.
Therefore, I knew this time it had to be different. As they all say, being healthy isn't temporary, it literally is a lifestyle change. That's not to say I will be strong enough to do this my whole life. I always do fall off the bandwagon and then eventually I become uncomfortable enough to get my butt in gear and do something. I am in that season currently. You never know though, I may just surprise myself.
So here was my plan:
#1 Get control of the sugar. Halloween got me on this roller coaster of constant sweets. It snowballed when Christmas came, then New Years, then Valentines, then birthdays. It never stops. Eventually it was just common place to always have a sweet after every meal. To crave it after EVERY meal. Our sweet Saturday had literally gone out the window.
#2 Part of controlling sugar was also cutting back on carbs. I'm not saying cut it out of my diet all together, but cut back. Not every meal has to have bread of some kind. I started subbing out bread for lettuce wraps. I started making more meals consisting of meat, veggies, and fruit.
#3 Exercise portion control. Jeff had found some dishes that were an exact match to the set we already had, but were larger than the salad plates and smaller than the dinner plates. They were perfect sized. I could fill them up and when I ran out of space, that was it. No seconds. Also, I made sure to make the bulk of the plate veggies, and fruit with a little meat and bread. When I first started this, I would finish my plate and naturally want more because I was used to eating more. But what I found, and what I had suspected all along, once my food had time to settle for 10 minutes, I wasn't hungry after all. Eventually, my body acclimated to smaller portions and I would feel full when I was done with my plate. And even though I knew I was eating less, it didn't seem that way because my smaller plate was covered in food. Something about seeing an entire plate covered with food just makes you feel like you're getting enough even if it is a smaller plate. Weird and hard to explain.
#4 Make the foods I was preparing cleaner. I started researching easy, quick, and healthy lunch ideas. Instead of sauces and dressings, I started using different kinds of olives, peppers, feta cheese, and spices to add that burst of flavor the sauces used to get me. When you entertain your pallet with new and exciting flavors, you don't crave as much food. It is just more exciting to eat. Preparing lunches was a little more work than it used to be, but I didn't mind because it was exciting creating new things I never tried and I was so excited to try them at work the next day.
#5 Find suitable replacements for things I love so I don't have to give up family traditions. I would NEVER be able to stay on this meal plan if I had to give up pizza family movie night and sweet saturday. I found a cauliflower pizza crust recipe and gave it a try. To my amazement it was delish and SUPER close to the real deal. Close enough that I didn't feel like I was missing my old frozen pizza. I also started looking up all sorts of yummy low calorie fruit smoothies that were wonderful replacements for the big sweet I would have every sweet Saturday. Chocolate/Protein (all made with very healthy natural ingredients) shakes were a great meal replacements for my Saturday morning bagels with nutella. When you don't feel deprived, you don't feel like giving up.
#6 Give up soda. This was a sad one for me. I always look forward to one coke zero every day after school. It was a like a reward at the end of the day. However, I know that stuff is horrible for you and have read multiple times it can hinder weight loss. I have replaced my soda with a pitcher of green tea I make to get me through a week at a time sweetened with stevia. It seems to be doing the trick. Also, I have stopped using creamers loaded with sugar and switched to coconut oil and stevia in my coffee each morning.
I am now almost five weeks in and I have lost 12 pounds. I have only veered off my plan twice. We had some left over cadbury eggs that had haunted me day after day when I started. I finally gave myself permission to have one. Cravings for that have pretty much gone. Friday, the family wanted to go to pizza hut to cash in book it coupons for Brennan. I could choose to starve until I got home and watch everyone else eat feeling sorry for myself, or just give myself permission to splurge. I decided it's OK to splurge and probably necessary so you don't start to resent your commitment to the plan. Again, if you allow yourself occasional splurges you don't feel like your punishing yourself. As long as the splurges are few and far inbetween I see no harm in doing them.
So how do I feel? Mentally I feel good knowing I am taking better care of my body. Some of my symptoms of eating too much sugar have started to go away. It's nice that my clothes are no longer snug and are even starting to sag a little. If I loose more I will probably have to go down a size. I'm not sure how much more I will loose until things start to level out. I figure I'll just let my body keep going to where it wants to be on this plan and when it finds its happy weight on this plan, I'll be happy with it whatever it may be. As long as I'm healthy, there shouldn't be a certain number I have to be. I am currently 5 pounds under my wedding day weight which is surprising since I don't feel like I am depriving myself of anything. I am full, content, my pallet is entertained. It is a good place to be. Here's to maintaining. I have a good thing going.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Been awhile
It's been too long since my last post. I'm not sure if my need for this outlet is less, my time to put into it is less, or I'm afraid of posting things that are too negative and just refrain. Maybe it's all of the above. None the less, those few followers that keep up with us might appreciate an update every now and then so here goes.
Jeff-Jeff is up knee deep in studies for his CFP now. For those who don't know what that is, it's basically like a masters degree in the financial world. Everyone who has taken it says how hard it is. This step in his career is needed to take him to the next level and also make him eligible to be partner at his firm. He spends nights and weekends studying. I'm very proud of his diligence and determination. So far so good. Two tests done and he passed both. His next one is sometime this summer.
Kadyn-Kadyn is doing well in school, and into her friends more than ever this year. She is really enjoying her C4 class (gifted class) and tells about it all the time. She has made a new friend in the class which she has become close too. Her only extra curriccular is piano now. This has had ups and downs. Kadyn usually catches on quickly to concepts, but that doesn't always mean her fingers do what her brain tells them too. It frustrates her when things don't come quickly to her and she has to redo them several times. This has been a big learning curve for her when it comes to playing an instrument. Also, (and I knew this might happen) she forgets to treat me like her teacher which means she will say or do things that she wouldn't otherwise do with a different teacher. We're working on it, but it isn't easy. Her goal is to switch to violin, which I have agreed to let her do if she finishes her second method book on piano first. We shall see.
Brennan-Brennan is growing leaps and bounds mentally and physcially. She is reading pretty good now and has become eligible to be in a book club (enrichment for the upper kids). She hasn't gotten any close friends this year, which has bothered her from time to time, but she keeps on trying. She got a speaking part in her Kindergarten play along with several other kids. Yes, being her music teacher made me a little partial to pick her, but also I knew I could depend on her to learn the part since I am her mom. She memorized her lines and spoke them like a champ. Not an ounce of nerves. Doesn't get that confidence from me. Her piano skills are coming along about as I would expect for a Kindergartener. Both girls are LOVING the trampoline and are on it constantly. I keep thinking the newness will wear off, but not yet. It's nice having them in plane sight out my back door.
Me-So much to say. I have wanted to post before on things going on in my life, but refrained because I didn't want to come off negative all the time. This year has been good, but trying at times. Things in the education world are changing so quickly. Some of the changes this year have been very difficult and if I'm being frank, downright unfair. My spirit got crushed a little bit because of it. If you want specifics, you'll have to talk to me directly.
Also, this year some of my colleagues did things that were hurtful to me. I have always raved about them, and I still think highly of them as teachers, I am just saddened by their actions. The good news is I pulled up my boot straps and tried to be the bigger person. It made me step back and really think. God helped me realize that people will let you down no matter how hard you try, because all people are sinful. He also reminded me that I have no control over other people, BUT I do have control over myself and how I choose to react. It inspired me to work on me to make sure I do not become the very things that hurt me. I worked hard to build relationships with folks I work with this year by being more social at lunch with them. This is a little out of my comfort zone, I tend to be more on an introvert. However, after my experience with individuals I have decided to draw back again and accepted that it's OK to be me. I now feel my time is better spent eating lunch in my room alone, doing a short bible study and praying. I have started praying a lot for folks at school. They are in the trenches with the same kids day in and day out dealing with some pretty heavy stuff personally and professionally. I know what some of them deal with constantly as I have to deal with it too, only in fifty minute increments and only once a week per class. It can be very draining. So rather then hold resentment, I choose love. I choose forgiveness. I choose support through prayer and smiles in the hallway. I choose to ask them how they are doing. Even if those gestures will never be returned to me, and usually they aren't, these are the choices I am doing because I know it is right.
I can say that my efforts and work to build relationships with my students returns to me ten fold, especially at the primary level. I am always showered with hugs and I love yous and compliments about class. In the end, as long as my students are happy, I'm happy and I can consider my day a success.
In other news, our yard looks better than ever. I spent way to much, as I do every year replanting things and grooming up things this spring. I take great pride in our yard. Dare I say, it's the best one in the neighborhood? I can't wait for the day when we live next to people who have as much passion for a great looking lawn as we do. We are the odd ducks in our neighborhood. Most people here grow a nice patch of weeds, overgrown landscaping put in odd places, and maybe a car or two parked on the lawn. Sigh! Needless to say, we both know that this is NOT our forever home. I think the nail in the coffin that was sign we will be moving on someday was the feuding neighbors. Since we have had new renters move in across the street, our yard and others around us have become a litter box for their 5 animals. Nothing like having your husband step in a nice pile of mushy poo when mowing the lawn then leaving his poo boots to stink up the whole garage. Nothing like having to shoe other people's cats out of your garage so you can close the garage door and having your windshield covered in paw prints.
The cats had several litter of kittens and one litter of puppies. We found a kitten dying by our house infested with fleas. Their dog drug a dead deer head (with a tag on it's ear) into our yard. They sometimes dump their trash in our trashcan. They went from 2 vehicles to 4, two of which they park on the street and one is disabled. Their child leaves her toys in our yard and doesn't pick them up. I could go on. We remarkably have kept our mouths shut even though my blood boils at times about it all. Our other neighbor couldn't put up with it anymore and it all turned into quite the feud which ended with minor destruction of her property and a shouting match with choice words in the street. It has made it all awkward for the kids who all play together. Stinking adults!
We are starting to dream of the home God will take us too next. It's going to be awesome! Strict homewoners association codes are looking pretty attractive right now for a future neighborhood. Still a long ways out, but I know it will happen when it's supposed too.
Summer plans have been changed for our family. We were going to do a beach vacation with friends, but we cancelled due to Jeff's studies. Just felt it was smarter to wait another year. I will be traveling with the girls and my sister and her kids to CO. Good news is, we can totally still have fun because of where we live. We plan on renting a boat and doing some tubing, hitting the beach all summer at the lake, and going to the water park at least once. Aw Branson! Gotta love it!
Well that about wraps it up. Next time I post, I'm sure summer will be upon us. I am so ready. I need to recharge my batteries for sure. So close!
Jeff-Jeff is up knee deep in studies for his CFP now. For those who don't know what that is, it's basically like a masters degree in the financial world. Everyone who has taken it says how hard it is. This step in his career is needed to take him to the next level and also make him eligible to be partner at his firm. He spends nights and weekends studying. I'm very proud of his diligence and determination. So far so good. Two tests done and he passed both. His next one is sometime this summer.
Kadyn-Kadyn is doing well in school, and into her friends more than ever this year. She is really enjoying her C4 class (gifted class) and tells about it all the time. She has made a new friend in the class which she has become close too. Her only extra curriccular is piano now. This has had ups and downs. Kadyn usually catches on quickly to concepts, but that doesn't always mean her fingers do what her brain tells them too. It frustrates her when things don't come quickly to her and she has to redo them several times. This has been a big learning curve for her when it comes to playing an instrument. Also, (and I knew this might happen) she forgets to treat me like her teacher which means she will say or do things that she wouldn't otherwise do with a different teacher. We're working on it, but it isn't easy. Her goal is to switch to violin, which I have agreed to let her do if she finishes her second method book on piano first. We shall see.
Brennan-Brennan is growing leaps and bounds mentally and physcially. She is reading pretty good now and has become eligible to be in a book club (enrichment for the upper kids). She hasn't gotten any close friends this year, which has bothered her from time to time, but she keeps on trying. She got a speaking part in her Kindergarten play along with several other kids. Yes, being her music teacher made me a little partial to pick her, but also I knew I could depend on her to learn the part since I am her mom. She memorized her lines and spoke them like a champ. Not an ounce of nerves. Doesn't get that confidence from me. Her piano skills are coming along about as I would expect for a Kindergartener. Both girls are LOVING the trampoline and are on it constantly. I keep thinking the newness will wear off, but not yet. It's nice having them in plane sight out my back door.
Me-So much to say. I have wanted to post before on things going on in my life, but refrained because I didn't want to come off negative all the time. This year has been good, but trying at times. Things in the education world are changing so quickly. Some of the changes this year have been very difficult and if I'm being frank, downright unfair. My spirit got crushed a little bit because of it. If you want specifics, you'll have to talk to me directly.
Also, this year some of my colleagues did things that were hurtful to me. I have always raved about them, and I still think highly of them as teachers, I am just saddened by their actions. The good news is I pulled up my boot straps and tried to be the bigger person. It made me step back and really think. God helped me realize that people will let you down no matter how hard you try, because all people are sinful. He also reminded me that I have no control over other people, BUT I do have control over myself and how I choose to react. It inspired me to work on me to make sure I do not become the very things that hurt me. I worked hard to build relationships with folks I work with this year by being more social at lunch with them. This is a little out of my comfort zone, I tend to be more on an introvert. However, after my experience with individuals I have decided to draw back again and accepted that it's OK to be me. I now feel my time is better spent eating lunch in my room alone, doing a short bible study and praying. I have started praying a lot for folks at school. They are in the trenches with the same kids day in and day out dealing with some pretty heavy stuff personally and professionally. I know what some of them deal with constantly as I have to deal with it too, only in fifty minute increments and only once a week per class. It can be very draining. So rather then hold resentment, I choose love. I choose forgiveness. I choose support through prayer and smiles in the hallway. I choose to ask them how they are doing. Even if those gestures will never be returned to me, and usually they aren't, these are the choices I am doing because I know it is right.
I can say that my efforts and work to build relationships with my students returns to me ten fold, especially at the primary level. I am always showered with hugs and I love yous and compliments about class. In the end, as long as my students are happy, I'm happy and I can consider my day a success.
In other news, our yard looks better than ever. I spent way to much, as I do every year replanting things and grooming up things this spring. I take great pride in our yard. Dare I say, it's the best one in the neighborhood? I can't wait for the day when we live next to people who have as much passion for a great looking lawn as we do. We are the odd ducks in our neighborhood. Most people here grow a nice patch of weeds, overgrown landscaping put in odd places, and maybe a car or two parked on the lawn. Sigh! Needless to say, we both know that this is NOT our forever home. I think the nail in the coffin that was sign we will be moving on someday was the feuding neighbors. Since we have had new renters move in across the street, our yard and others around us have become a litter box for their 5 animals. Nothing like having your husband step in a nice pile of mushy poo when mowing the lawn then leaving his poo boots to stink up the whole garage. Nothing like having to shoe other people's cats out of your garage so you can close the garage door and having your windshield covered in paw prints.
The cats had several litter of kittens and one litter of puppies. We found a kitten dying by our house infested with fleas. Their dog drug a dead deer head (with a tag on it's ear) into our yard. They sometimes dump their trash in our trashcan. They went from 2 vehicles to 4, two of which they park on the street and one is disabled. Their child leaves her toys in our yard and doesn't pick them up. I could go on. We remarkably have kept our mouths shut even though my blood boils at times about it all. Our other neighbor couldn't put up with it anymore and it all turned into quite the feud which ended with minor destruction of her property and a shouting match with choice words in the street. It has made it all awkward for the kids who all play together. Stinking adults!
We are starting to dream of the home God will take us too next. It's going to be awesome! Strict homewoners association codes are looking pretty attractive right now for a future neighborhood. Still a long ways out, but I know it will happen when it's supposed too.
Summer plans have been changed for our family. We were going to do a beach vacation with friends, but we cancelled due to Jeff's studies. Just felt it was smarter to wait another year. I will be traveling with the girls and my sister and her kids to CO. Good news is, we can totally still have fun because of where we live. We plan on renting a boat and doing some tubing, hitting the beach all summer at the lake, and going to the water park at least once. Aw Branson! Gotta love it!
Well that about wraps it up. Next time I post, I'm sure summer will be upon us. I am so ready. I need to recharge my batteries for sure. So close!
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Just what I needed
Big long post about work stuff, if that bores you skip it.
Two weeks ago I had an awful afternoon. My afternoons on Thursday are filled with teaching 6th graders, my toughest bunch. I am on my second year of teaching these students. Last year my experiences with them was glorious. I loved working with these kiddos and they responded well to me and seemed to really enjoy class. My 6th graders that same year were a different story. They were "too cool" for school. They were rude, noncompliant, and disrespectful.
This year I started out the year very optimistic that my 6th graders would be different. After all, we had foundation to grow from that started last year. At first, it was different. However, after Christmas break something shifted. I did not change. The way I teach did not change, but they did. Suddenly I didn't recognize these kids I was teaching. Those same rude, noncompliant, and disrespectful attitudes slowly started creeping into class. That awful afternoon two weeks ago it all kind of came to a head. By the end of class I was almost in tears. It's hard to pour your heart and soul into something and to care as much as I do about what I do and who I do it for and then get treated the way these students were treating me. I missed the students they used to be. Who were these kids coming to my class every Thursday? They certainly couldn't be the ones I know and loved last year. I didn't deserve to be treated the way they were treating me, I knew it, and I knew they knew it too.
All the way home I just wanted to pour out my sorrows of the day, but Jeff wasn't home and my children weren't the right people spill my sorrows too. The entire 25 minute drive home it was all I could think about. I had a ball in my throat trying to choke back tears. I rarely have days like this. Most of my time I love what I do and feel good when I end my day. So when I do have days like this it just hits me hard. I knew only way to feel better was to give myself permission to get it out. After 10 minutes or so of being home, when the girls were occupied, I locked myself in the bathroom, sat on the toilet and sobbed.
Afterwards I felt better, but not so much that I could just shake it off and move on. I dreaded going back and teaching these classes. I started to feel as though perhaps there was something I was doing wrong. I doubted my abilities.
The following day I had another break down overly an entirely different matter. Let's just say the expectations for teachers these days is so different from when I taught 7 years ago. The mountains of paperwork that is required for evaluations is ridiculous. The rate of change for these evaulations is quick and confusing. Expectations are unclear and standards are inconsistent. Have you ever heard a teacher say, "All I want to do is teach." I am totally feeling that with these changes. I hate all the red tape we are required to do to prove ourselves worthy enough to teach. A bunch of words on papers are not going to prove I'm a good teacher. Come watch me teach and ENTIRE lesson (I say entire because now all they do is watch you for 10 minute intervals), that's how you will know if I can teach. This causes a lot of stress for EVERYONE. Apparently, I wasn't the only one freaking out about this on this particular day. Several of my colleagues were dealing with the same anxiety about it all. It's so sad because everyone I work with is so good. None of them should have anything to worry about.
God knows me. It was as if he gave us all those snows days just for me. After these rough two days it just so happened I got a week off because of weather. It was perfect. I was not ready to go back and face those students. I was not ready to go back and deal with the new teacher evaluation system they had going. BUT....a week later, I felt recharged and ready to go.
I did a lot of praying. Praying for restoration. Prayer for courage. Prayer for forgiveness. BUT most of all, prayer that I could be a beacon for these students. A glimpse of his love no matter what they throw at me. What's weird is that during one of those prayers there was part of a song replaying in my head over and over. At first I paid no attention to it. My brain is always on autoreplay of some song or another. However, I think the spirit clued me in to really pay attention to this particular song that kept playing. The words were, "Keep on, keeping on, keeping on. Keep on driving ahead." It is a Christian song by For King and Country.
It was as if God was speaking directly to me to just keep on going. That it was going to be OK. So....I put on my big girl pants, splashed a smile on my face, and returned to work a week later. Day one back, I got a huge compliment on the paperwork (my unit) I submitted for part of my evaluation from my boss. At first, I was dumbfounded because I had just read the scores she gave me and they didn't seem so hot (which almost caused me another round of tears, geese!). Turns out I was using the wrong scoring guide when I was reading my scores and they actually were much better than I thought. Felt a little better after that. Classes that day went well. I almost felt back to my old self.
Flash forward to today. My first day back to my Intermediate school. I have not had those classes that gave me so many headaches yet, BUT I have had some of my 6th graders and those classes went smoothly today. One of my music colleagues actually came and observed me for part of my day. Later I asked him if he had any tips for me since he was an older, more experienced teacher than me. This was his response:
"The only thing I could think of while I was sitting there was, "I sure wish I was this good!" Sorry, all I can say is that you are a master teacher and everything I watched you do would probably never have occurred to me and made me feel both like I need to take a lesson and like our programs are in good shape for the coming years. You need to come watch me to give me some pointers... seriously."
Words can not express how good this made me feel. God knew just what I needed. Just like that, I felt assured that I was able to do this and do have what it takes to teach these ornery 6th graders. I just needed to keep on keeping on.
Thanks God. I can feel you cheering me on.
Two weeks ago I had an awful afternoon. My afternoons on Thursday are filled with teaching 6th graders, my toughest bunch. I am on my second year of teaching these students. Last year my experiences with them was glorious. I loved working with these kiddos and they responded well to me and seemed to really enjoy class. My 6th graders that same year were a different story. They were "too cool" for school. They were rude, noncompliant, and disrespectful.
This year I started out the year very optimistic that my 6th graders would be different. After all, we had foundation to grow from that started last year. At first, it was different. However, after Christmas break something shifted. I did not change. The way I teach did not change, but they did. Suddenly I didn't recognize these kids I was teaching. Those same rude, noncompliant, and disrespectful attitudes slowly started creeping into class. That awful afternoon two weeks ago it all kind of came to a head. By the end of class I was almost in tears. It's hard to pour your heart and soul into something and to care as much as I do about what I do and who I do it for and then get treated the way these students were treating me. I missed the students they used to be. Who were these kids coming to my class every Thursday? They certainly couldn't be the ones I know and loved last year. I didn't deserve to be treated the way they were treating me, I knew it, and I knew they knew it too.
All the way home I just wanted to pour out my sorrows of the day, but Jeff wasn't home and my children weren't the right people spill my sorrows too. The entire 25 minute drive home it was all I could think about. I had a ball in my throat trying to choke back tears. I rarely have days like this. Most of my time I love what I do and feel good when I end my day. So when I do have days like this it just hits me hard. I knew only way to feel better was to give myself permission to get it out. After 10 minutes or so of being home, when the girls were occupied, I locked myself in the bathroom, sat on the toilet and sobbed.
Afterwards I felt better, but not so much that I could just shake it off and move on. I dreaded going back and teaching these classes. I started to feel as though perhaps there was something I was doing wrong. I doubted my abilities.
The following day I had another break down overly an entirely different matter. Let's just say the expectations for teachers these days is so different from when I taught 7 years ago. The mountains of paperwork that is required for evaluations is ridiculous. The rate of change for these evaulations is quick and confusing. Expectations are unclear and standards are inconsistent. Have you ever heard a teacher say, "All I want to do is teach." I am totally feeling that with these changes. I hate all the red tape we are required to do to prove ourselves worthy enough to teach. A bunch of words on papers are not going to prove I'm a good teacher. Come watch me teach and ENTIRE lesson (I say entire because now all they do is watch you for 10 minute intervals), that's how you will know if I can teach. This causes a lot of stress for EVERYONE. Apparently, I wasn't the only one freaking out about this on this particular day. Several of my colleagues were dealing with the same anxiety about it all. It's so sad because everyone I work with is so good. None of them should have anything to worry about.
God knows me. It was as if he gave us all those snows days just for me. After these rough two days it just so happened I got a week off because of weather. It was perfect. I was not ready to go back and face those students. I was not ready to go back and deal with the new teacher evaluation system they had going. BUT....a week later, I felt recharged and ready to go.
I did a lot of praying. Praying for restoration. Prayer for courage. Prayer for forgiveness. BUT most of all, prayer that I could be a beacon for these students. A glimpse of his love no matter what they throw at me. What's weird is that during one of those prayers there was part of a song replaying in my head over and over. At first I paid no attention to it. My brain is always on autoreplay of some song or another. However, I think the spirit clued me in to really pay attention to this particular song that kept playing. The words were, "Keep on, keeping on, keeping on. Keep on driving ahead." It is a Christian song by For King and Country.
It was as if God was speaking directly to me to just keep on going. That it was going to be OK. So....I put on my big girl pants, splashed a smile on my face, and returned to work a week later. Day one back, I got a huge compliment on the paperwork (my unit) I submitted for part of my evaluation from my boss. At first, I was dumbfounded because I had just read the scores she gave me and they didn't seem so hot (which almost caused me another round of tears, geese!). Turns out I was using the wrong scoring guide when I was reading my scores and they actually were much better than I thought. Felt a little better after that. Classes that day went well. I almost felt back to my old self.
Flash forward to today. My first day back to my Intermediate school. I have not had those classes that gave me so many headaches yet, BUT I have had some of my 6th graders and those classes went smoothly today. One of my music colleagues actually came and observed me for part of my day. Later I asked him if he had any tips for me since he was an older, more experienced teacher than me. This was his response:
"The only thing I could think of while I was sitting there was, "I sure wish I was this good!" Sorry, all I can say is that you are a master teacher and everything I watched you do would probably never have occurred to me and made me feel both like I need to take a lesson and like our programs are in good shape for the coming years. You need to come watch me to give me some pointers... seriously."
Words can not express how good this made me feel. God knew just what I needed. Just like that, I felt assured that I was able to do this and do have what it takes to teach these ornery 6th graders. I just needed to keep on keeping on.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Perfectly orchestrated
Sometimes I sit back and marvel at how God orchestrates our lives. Just today, I had my 3rd day off in a row. One for President's Day. Two snow days....maybe more. To keep myself from going stir crazy I create a to do list for every day I have had off. B's room got completely redone. The house has gotten cleaned, and now I am sewing....for work. 5 littles need some fake beards for our upcoming Kinder concert. As I was sewing I thought how helpful it is that learned how to sew back in middle school. It has come in handy on numerous occasions, but now for work. If I couldn't sew these little beards I would inevitably have to buy them with my own money. That could get expensive. Believe me, I checked.
I wondered, did God have this in mind when he led me down that path to learn how to sew all those years ago? He could have forseen having a child who needed pants hemmed because they didn't make any that fit her just right. He could have forseen needing a crafty outlet all those years of doing daycare, so I had something for me to help me feel sane. He could have forseen all those buttons that needed sewn back on and holes that needed patched. He could have forseen all these little concerts that required costumes that were just too expensive to buy. At the time, I had no clue how invaluable my sewing skills have become in my life. This is not to say that I'm the best seamstress around. I pale in comparison to many of my friends, but I know enough to get by and have a little fun too!
Then there is Jeff. Jeff learned how to golf as a 5th grader. He golfed competitively in High School and worked at a golf course for years. He got good enough at it that he even taught lessons. Ironically, golf has been a pretty big part of his job today. Inviting his clients to go golfing or to participate on a team with him in a tournament is part of his job. It builds relationships. There was no way he could have forseen that his hobby so many years ago would become such a great asset to his current line of work. He didn' t know that, but God did.
This may seem like peanuts to some, but not to me. It makes me stop and think, what things are my kids learning right now that are part of God's overall plan for them as he orchestrates their lives so perfectly? You just never know. So amazing, our God. He really does have a plan and it's amazing when you think how it all came together for you.
I wondered, did God have this in mind when he led me down that path to learn how to sew all those years ago? He could have forseen having a child who needed pants hemmed because they didn't make any that fit her just right. He could have forseen needing a crafty outlet all those years of doing daycare, so I had something for me to help me feel sane. He could have forseen all those buttons that needed sewn back on and holes that needed patched. He could have forseen all these little concerts that required costumes that were just too expensive to buy. At the time, I had no clue how invaluable my sewing skills have become in my life. This is not to say that I'm the best seamstress around. I pale in comparison to many of my friends, but I know enough to get by and have a little fun too!
Then there is Jeff. Jeff learned how to golf as a 5th grader. He golfed competitively in High School and worked at a golf course for years. He got good enough at it that he even taught lessons. Ironically, golf has been a pretty big part of his job today. Inviting his clients to go golfing or to participate on a team with him in a tournament is part of his job. It builds relationships. There was no way he could have forseen that his hobby so many years ago would become such a great asset to his current line of work. He didn' t know that, but God did.
This may seem like peanuts to some, but not to me. It makes me stop and think, what things are my kids learning right now that are part of God's overall plan for them as he orchestrates their lives so perfectly? You just never know. So amazing, our God. He really does have a plan and it's amazing when you think how it all came together for you.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
It is well, with my soul
I love that old hymn. It is one of my all time favorites. We are in such a happy place in our lives right now. Our family is healthy and thriving. Our new schedule is so much better and we are so much happier. Our finances are in good order with promise of even more financial security down the road. I am in a happy place in my job. I feel like I have a firm footing in what I do and get better and better with each passing day. I'm in that part of the school year where I'm really seeing the fruits of my hard labor from earlier. Being able to see growth in your students is so rewarding, mostly because you see how it changes them. They become confident. They become excited about learning and show their appreciation to you. The littles especially have been full of hugs for me this year and have been telling me they love me randomly quite often. One even raised his hand and declared he loved me in the middle of a lesson when my boss was in the room evaluating me. I guess she knows they like me. How can you not love them right back?
The girls are just awesome right now. Wonderful ages! Kadyn goes through waves of being difficult. Now she's in a good phase. The kids really enjoy their piano lessons with me and I really enjoy doing it for them. It has kind of ignited a music passion for the whole family. Jeff recently bought a new electric guitar and is now reteaching himself how to play again. Kadyn, pulled out her pink ukulele and has started playing it every single day for the past week. After I introduced her to chord charts a whole new world opened up for her and she can't seem to get enough. She has asked me to play along with her for the past three nights. We sing together, laugh together, play together. It is just so lovely. She has requested to take her uke to school tomorrow and play for her friends during share time at her gifted class. I'm a just tickled pink that she is excited about playing an instrument. Dare I even say I have been daydreaming about a family band down the road? Probably will stay a dream, but it's funny to imagine. Just tonight Brennan decided she wanted in on the family band fun and thinks she wants to save her allowance for a tambourine.
My free time is spent doing chores, playing the piano, playing my uke, and doing home improvement projects. Laundry has actually been enjoyable since we redid our laundry room. I feel like I'm in someone else's house just walking into the room. Jeff made this beautiful wooden accent wall in the room. I just love it!
The chore charts I wrote about in an earlier post are still in full swing and have helped tremendously as long as we remember to check them. Christmas break threw us off a little so it's taking a little while to get back into the routine of checking the chore chart, but when they do, our days run smoothly and it's nice not having to remind the kids to do this or that all the time. It just gets done.
We are all longing for a snow day around here. It's not that we really need a break, we just want a chance to use our new snow boots! Seriously, the only year I actually have full snow gear for the kids and it doesn't snow. I know there's still winter left, but it's not looking promising for flakes any time soon. Such a bummer!
We have things to look forward too. We are going to go on a minivaca to KC for Spring break and stay at the Great Wolf Lodge. It has an indoor water park that is supposed to be really cool. My parents are coming home with us for a couple days that week too. The girls have big plans to have a recital for Grandma and Grandpa when they arrive. We are in the beginning stages of setting up a big beach vacation with good friends of ours this summer. I will be making a trip to CO to visit family this summer. Of course there are long days at the local beach this summer to look forward too.
The kids got a trampoline this Christmas so we are looking forward to setting that up when the weather starts warming up.
We've had some unseasonably warm days this winter. The kids have actually started playing in their tree house and back wooded area we made for them last summer. (About time they used it). I think the little girl across the street finally feels more comfortable around us and away from her mother to actually come over and play in it so I'm hoping this is the start of our kids playing at our house with their friends a lot more. They get along so fabulously and can whittle away hours just paling around together, just the three of them. In and out of the house, at the tree house, riding their bikes around the culdesac, riding their scooters, playing downstairs. Meanwhile, I get a lot of time to just do things I like while they are playing with their friend. Just lovely.
Goodness, I am just so blessed right now. I really want to freeze time and stay in our happy place forever. I know life goes through highs and low. Thankful for the high we find ourselves in now. Know it won't last forever. Thankful anyhow. It is well with my soul.
The kids got a trampoline this Christmas so we are looking forward to setting that up when the weather starts warming up.
We've had some unseasonably warm days this winter. The kids have actually started playing in their tree house and back wooded area we made for them last summer. (About time they used it). I think the little girl across the street finally feels more comfortable around us and away from her mother to actually come over and play in it so I'm hoping this is the start of our kids playing at our house with their friends a lot more. They get along so fabulously and can whittle away hours just paling around together, just the three of them. In and out of the house, at the tree house, riding their bikes around the culdesac, riding their scooters, playing downstairs. Meanwhile, I get a lot of time to just do things I like while they are playing with their friend. Just lovely.
Goodness, I am just so blessed right now. I really want to freeze time and stay in our happy place forever. I know life goes through highs and low. Thankful for the high we find ourselves in now. Know it won't last forever. Thankful anyhow. It is well with my soul.
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