Jealous much?

Sorry, I had to make one of those titles.  It's just that I know how nuts some of you ladies are about organization and I got the pleasure of visiting the container store while I was in Little Rock this weekend.  Being in one of those stores gives the female species a real high.  Awhile back I saw these clever little tools that can be used to organize one's pantry and cookies sheets.  I have wanted some ever since.  I finally got em!!!!!! 

Looky.

Tiered shelving.  Whoa!  I can actually see all the contents in my pantry now!

Gone are the days of cookie sheets and lids in piles. Sigh!  Sweetness!!!

Our kitchen is sooooo sooooo itty bitty.  I had to laugh when the clerk at the store said, "You probably have a lot of lids huh?"  Actually I only have four.  Such is the life of a women with an itty bitty kitchen. Anything I can get my hands on to make it more functional is well worth the money.  30 dollars is all it took this time.  Now, if I could just have a pantry cabinet installed beside my fridge so I could actually store my canned goods in the kitchen instead of the laundry room, I'd have it made! Another time perhaps.

Kindergarten Carnival

We have known about an event called "Kindergaten circus" for a month now.  I wasn't sure what it all entailed.  The only thing I knew for sure is that her class was going to be dressed up like elephants and parents were invited.  I was REALLY bummed as I thought that I wouldn't be able to go since it fell in the middle of the work day.  As it turned out, the only kid I had to watch that day was Brennan and my older guy.  I was pretty sure his mother would let me load him up in the van and take him to K's circus.  I was right.  We loaded up shortly after lunch and went to show our support.  Kadyn new there was a small chance I'd get to go.  When I saw her come out into the gymnasium I saw this look of concern as she peered into the audience.  Once she caught my glance, she couldn't contain herself with excitement. She was bouncing off the walls.  I think she must have waved at me every 10 seconds through the entire performance.

Basically every kindergarten class lined the walls of the gymnasium dressed as different circus animals.  They each got a turn to sing a song.  It was cute.  I guess this was the music teacher's version of a music program for parents.  Not the way I used to do them, but I could see how nice it would be for the teacher to do them in the middle of the day and not have to give up her evenings for concerts.  So glad I got to go.  Must have been a God thing.  He knew it meant a lot to me to go.   I almost cried several times.

Anyhoo, here are a few photos. Poor quality because I was so excited to go I forgot my camera and had to use my ipod.

The kid looking like she's about to jump up in excitement, that's Kadyn.

Kadyn is the kid leaning forward to wave at me.

In the video, she is in the back of the circle just to the left of the line down the middle of the gymnasium. The exit was my favorite part. Very cute!

Last weekend we went to the indoor waterpark at Castle Rock.  Castle Rock was unaffected by the tornado which we were thankful for because we had a gift certificate to use up before it expired.  Kadyn had a blast.  She went down the waterslides, floated down the lazy river, and practiced swimming (still a long ways to go here).  Brennan last about 30 minutes and then was ready to be done.  She got too cold.  It was a nice little outing for winter Saturday. 

News of the week

K's spring break starts next week, but we are kicking it off starting Friday evening.  We will head out after daycare on Friday to Little Rock Arkansas for a mini vacation.  Plans are to go to some sort of science center, eat good food, go swimming, and see "If a Mouse Goes to School" put on at the Children's Theater.  We will be returning Sunday evening as Jeff and I don't get a spring break.  Bummer.  At least I get my K all week though.

Got disappointing news on my licensure process.  To make a long story short, it looks like I won't have my MO license in hand until shortly after the school year starts.  Still haven't received any phone calls for interviews, and as time goes one expecting I won't because of the license issues.  I'm not sure if a district could hire me on as a sub until my license comes through or if they'd be willing to call the dept of ed and ask that my paperwork be processed before the school year starts which I know they can do after reading the Department of Ed's website.  They may see it as more trouble than it's worth.  Oh well.  Going back this coming school year was never my original plan anways.  It was exciting to dream for awhile though.  Could still get a call, but not holding my breath.

Part of me feels relieved that I get another year with Bren.  Part of me is scared to death of doing another year of daycare.  Just this morning I listened to about an hour of crying because baby wasn't getting her way.  Basically she wants me to be in the room with her at all times. If I get up to go cook, clean, or do laundry she stands at the gate and cries.  Because I have to take care of 3 other children I can't just let things slide and only wait until she naps to get those things done. 

The good news is she does nap MUCH better than before.  Not every day is a disaster.  We have our good days too.  Just hard to think of going through another year of this.  I also start a new baby August who is set to replace my big guy who will be going to school.  It is the baby brother of one of the kids I already watch.  I pray that this one is an EASY baby.  I can't do another high maintenance baby. 

Anyhoo...that's my news for the day.  Trying to keep my head up high and trust in God's will for my life.  I can do this!

In the works

Remember how I told you I found a door and would only talk about it if it opened.  Well it hasn't opened...yet.  But I can't take it any more!  I have to spill the beans.  It has consumed me a bit for the last couple of weeks and has been a big part of my life lately so I want to talk about it.  Here goes.  I.APPLIED.FOR.A.JOB!  Actually two of them.

This is big people!  It was never in the plans, you see. I had every intention of waiting until Bren started school to go back to work.  However, doing this daycare has taken such a huge toll on me emotionally and as a parent that something needs to change.  Not bringing in an extra income just isn't an option for us.  I have explored in my mind other options from getting normal part time job to working nights and weekends to bring in the little extra we need to survive.  I'm not sure I'd be any better off doing either of those.  Nope.  If I am going to work to be a better person, the only way that's going to work is if I go do what I love to do, teach.

Months ago the thought of putting Brennan in daycare and going to work killed me.  It made me feel INCREDIBLY guilty.  However, God has worked on my heart a lot the last couple of months.  First and foremost he made me realize that Brennan would not be going to daycare, she would be going to preschool.  This means a much more structured environment, a learning environment.  That brings me great comfort.  Secondly, I will have my summers, spring vacations, and winter vacations off to spend 24/7 with my kids.  JUST MY KIDS!  Awwww.  Now that sounds nice.  Thirdly, Brennan is at a stage where she doesn't need me as much as she used too.  She spends most of her days playing with other kids.  She is almost completely potty trained and she is learning how to do things by herself.  It just started to seem silly to to me to make myself feel guilty about it all as if I was failing her.  AND, I finally let go of the guilt of what other mothers might think about this decision.  They aren't me.  I'm not sure some will understand that one of the reasons I am doing this is because of my kids.  I want to be a better mom for them and I think this is step in the right direction.

While filling out the applications I had to track down my old colleagues to request new letters of recommendation.  This was not an easy process. One has retired, others have left and moved on.  It's a good thing I am doing this now.  One of them is in his 70's.  It would be hard to get a job if your main supervisor passed away.  You just never know at that age.  He is the main person that can vouch for my work.  I also had to dig through my old work to find things relevant to put in my portfolio to take to a job interview.  Doing this made me realize just how much I have learned over the years.  How much work I have actually done, and how great that work actually was.  Reading my new letters of recommendation made me feel validated and brought back some self worth I was starting to loose.  A piece of me was coming back and it felt good.  Focusing on this for part of my days while Jeff watched the girls this weekend changed something inside of me.  Usually they are my focus 100% of my time; I rarely get a break.  Suddenly, I would look at my kids and they seemed 100 times cuter and more precious than before.  Weird how doing all this made me appreciate my kids more.  It's hard to explain, but it helped me realize I was doing the right thing.

Now I don't know if anything will come of this.  I am kind of jumping the gun here.  I am finishing my last college course needed to renew my certificate in KS this week.  However, there is a lot of red tape to get through before I have that certificate in hand.  Red tape that will be very time consuming because I have to wait for other people to fill things out and send them back to me.  My guess is that I will be have a current MO license in my hand at the end of summer, but it will be cutting it close.

I'm not sure if this will be a big deterrent to even calling me in for an interview.  I think that if a district wants a teacher they can can have a provisional certificate issued until the permanent certificate comes through, but I'm not 100% sure on this.  I know for sure that provisional certificates are issued to teachers who just have a course or two to finish up, so it would seem that it shouldn't be a problem for me who is done with her coursework and just simply waiting on things to be processed.

Anyhoo, like I said, I have no clue what will come of this.  But what I can say is that for the first time in a long time I feel hope.  I felt so trapped and unhappy with my current situation.  I feel like my daughters deserve a better me.  I am constantly dealing with the emotional problems of other people's children that I feel like I am unable to give my daughter the best of me.  I have prayed about it A LOT!  Teaching is not the same as daycare.  There is no poopy diapers, kids refusing to take naps, infants screaming all day, toddlers hitting and stealing toys, older kids waking cranky sleeping infants, older kids squabbling all day.  Nope teaching is so much better than daycare.  These cute older kids come through your door to learn about music for 30 minutes and then they're off and another group of cute squirrely kids come through your door excited to see what Mrs. Bilberry has up her sleeve for this day's new musical adventure. It doesn't get much better than that when it comes to a job!

So now I wait and see what happens.  If nothing comes of it, this I know for sure.  I will be 100% ready when that right job opens up  in the next few years.  All this prep work now has got to pay off eventually.  If anything, it has reminded me of who I was, who I still am, and what I am capable of.  Considering there are only 2 job openings in my field in a 40 mile radius makes me nervous to wait to look for work until Bren starts school.  Who knows if there will be any openings at that time.  Also with more orchestra and band positions being cut in districts because of budgets, there will be less opportunities because a music teacher has to get a job somewhere.  By law, schools must offer music education.  However, offering music in the form of band or orchestra is not required.  Vocal music is the cheapest program to run. It has the most job security at the moment.  My competition could be stiff.

If all this amounts to nothing, I will just continue to pray that God grants me the patience, determination, and serenity to get through another year of daycare.  I will know that God isn't ready for Bren to be in another person's care.  I will know that God isn't done working on me as a daycare provider.  I will know that the right job hasn't opened up yet.  So.....I will be OK.  I figure if don't try, how would I even know what the right plan is for me and my family?

The jobs I have applied for are in Ozark and Forsyth.  Ozark is about 30 min from here and forsyth is 20.  Ultimately, I want a job in Branson, but that opportunity may not exist until next year when the new school opens up.  So knowing that also brings me comfort if nothing comes of my job hunt this year.  By that time I will be 100% ready, certificate in hand.   Come what may.  I'm ready either way.

Daisy's new trick

It's no secret that Daisy is crazy about us and the kids.  Last night she was running from one side of the couch to the other side of the couch chasing the girls as they squealed and egged her on to do more.  Jeff was off watching sports during all of this so missed it.  After the girls went down, I egged him on to come watch Daisy's new trick.  He was impressed enough to break out the video camera.  I'm not so sure it is really a trick, but rather just a little furry rodent who sure does love her Grandma (this is what the girls informed me I am to her).  Try to get past the big buffoon running around and kissing a rodent and focus on the cute little fur ball please. I always hate seeing myself on camera.  Anyhow, if this isn't proof that rats make way better pets than hamsters, I don't know what is.  I don't EVER remember my childhood hamsters getting this excited to be with me.  Notice in the very end how she jumps up my side to be with me.  Silly girl!

Should've named her Butterball

Daisy, our rat, is a big butterball.  It seems more often than not, she's finding an excuse to lay on her back with all four paws in the air.  Usually all it takes is a willing subject to tickle her during play, rub her tummy because it feels good, or just because she is relaxed and wants to take a snooze. 

Jeff and I were hugging each other next to the couch the other day.  The rats were on the couch playing with the girls.  Next thing I know, Daisy is crawling up my side trying to get right in the middle of Jeff and I.  She's such a ham.  So much personality packed into such a tiny package.  We sure do love that little rodent! Perfect pet for small children and a busy mom.

If you look close enough you will see my smile.

A little to the left please.

May I have a sip?

Just hanging out in my Grandma's sleeve!  Cozy and snuggly in here!