After my last post I'm sure you all could tell how stressed I've been lately. After a conversation with my mother I decided it was best to follow my gut and take it as a sign that I really need to make a change with this daycare. I called two of the three sets of parents and told them I would not be watching their boys after the baby gets here. They are to start looking for other arrangements immediately and switch as soon as they find someone. That gives them a good 4 months to find someone, plenty of time.
We are a little nervous about the loss of income from the daycare, but are hopeful God will provide through Jeff's job and all will be well. It really will be step of faith on our part, but I think it is the right decision for me and our family at this time, especially with the baby coming.
Now if I can just get through the next 4 months. Ideally these parents will find other arrangements before then, but finding good daycare can be difficult.
I am not worried at all about keeping the oldest boy. He is actually, for the most part, easier than everyone to take care of including Kadyn. He is very compliant and gets along so well with Kadyn. I think Kadyn may be a little lost without him. In fact it may make the transition with the baby easier because she will still have her buddy to play with when I have to tend to the baby. Since this little boy is so hands off it shouldn't interfere at all with my new responsibilities tending to a newborn.
Jeff and I are both feeling good about my decision, a little worried, but pretty sure this is the right thing for us at this time. Now we wait and see how everything works out. Until then, I ask for the great power of God to get through the rest of my time with these other two boys. Already this morning my patience has been tested to the max by them.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Job description
If anyone had to make an honest post of my job working as a home daycare provider it would have to read something like this for the entire truth to be told (although this really should be in one paragraph, I will seperate it to make it easier on the eyes):
Needed one person to take care of 3 children plus their own in own home. Be prepared to make 1 meal and 2 snacks everyday. Must be creative and provided at least two organized activities a day including: outside play, reading books, and art and crafts. Be prepared to always give up space for more toys, high chairs, and pack-n-plays just to keep the daycare running. Be prepared to clean countless pee pee diapers and poopy diapers so stinky you want vomit. Be prepared for it to be so loud you can't hear yourself think. Be prepared to never have the pleasure of going to bathroom without someone banging on the door. Be prepared to have each child ask you the same question over and over and over and over and over again even when you have answered it over and over and over and over. Be prepared to neglect going to the dentist or even the doctor for your own health because you would have to ask 3 families to rearrange their hours to accomodate your schedule. Be prepared to only get off 7 paid days a year which includes all vacations and sick days for yourself and your children.
Be prepared to clean up mess after mess after mess after mess after mess......Be prepared to have many days without a break for all children do not nap for the same amount of times and will often wake each other up. Thus, be prepared for some kids to be sleep deprived and cranky often taking it out on others by hitting, pushing, or stealing toys a couple thousand times. Be prepared to break up fight, after fight, after fight, after fight......Be prepared to fish rocks, crayons, markers, paint, and just general crap out of all children's mouths. Be prepared to clean sand off of feet, hands, and out of diapers. Be prepared to clean up dog poop that has been tracked all over the deck and wash out shoes often. Be prepared to witness and clean up the most boogers you have ever seen in your life and yes, it is humanly possible to be sick that many times and have that much snot come out of your nose! Be prepared to watch them wipe snot on themselves, especially their hands and arms and clothes, and also on your shoulder and your furniture and all toys. Be prepared to clean up spit up and the occasional vomit from the flu.
Be prepared to kiss thousands of boo boos. Be prepared for them to drop everything on the floor whenever you do crafts, art, or eat food. Be prepared for them to try to feed your dog their food several times, to fish your dog off of the table who tries to steal their food a thousand times, and to fish dog out of the trash where their wasted food was dumped. Also be prepared to fish dog out of the walmart sack you forgot to throw in the garage trash which had a poopy diaper stored inside it (not anymore!). Be prepared to repeat yourself a thousand times before they finally listen. Be prepared to have kids dropped off before you are even ready and to have them picked up late when you are trying to get out of town at the end of the week or just need to start supper. Be prepared to see your own child get less of your attention and affection because you are too busy dishing it out on everyone trying to be fair. Husband must be prepared to take a more hands on role with your own child because you are spent at the end of the day and need help or might have a nervous break down even though he is spent too. Husband must also be prepared to take off of his work for your child's doctor's visits because it's easier for him to take off of work than you.
Be prepared to have all kids cooped up in only two rooms of the house for 9-10 hours each day because it is too cold or hot to get outside and all are too young to take anywhere, besides, they all wouldn't fit in your vehicle anyways. Be prepared for one parent to always call to ask why her child has the tiniest little mark on his head or red dot on his thigh for she has not yet figured out that toddlerhood will be filled with many bumps, scrapes, and bruises. Be prepared for kids to be dropped off entirely sleep deprived because parents didn't consider what your day would be like if they kept them up late the night before. Be prepared to keep that child up until the designated nap time or he will keep everyone else awake when it's supposed to be their naptime. Be prepared to not remember what it is like to talk to an adult and feel like you can't talk about anything else when you finally do make adult conversation, thus driving the other person insane. Be prepared to say things you may regret just because the stress of it all is just getting to you and you can't help yourself. Be prepared to cry out to God for help because you don't know how you can make it through another day. Be prepared to refocus your mind to be positive because you owe it to these children and you ought to be thankful that God gave this to you to help you pay your bills per your request. Be thankful that the parents you work with are supportive and think you're great. Be prepared to hang in there no matter what. You have no choice.
Now anyone want the job? I must be crazy. So if any of you have ever considered doing this, just know it's not just fun and games. It is a huge commitment and requires more patience than you know. It's not the same as just being a stay at home mommy. It is a real job and is VERY difficult. There are some positives, and some days are great. It is only by the sweet grace of God that I have made it this far. If you happen to read this and you are just a stay at home mommy, count your blessings. If you read this and you leave your kids in daycare, treat your daycare provider well. They go through A LOT on a daily basis to make sure your kid is well cared for.
The end.
Needed one person to take care of 3 children plus their own in own home. Be prepared to make 1 meal and 2 snacks everyday. Must be creative and provided at least two organized activities a day including: outside play, reading books, and art and crafts. Be prepared to always give up space for more toys, high chairs, and pack-n-plays just to keep the daycare running. Be prepared to clean countless pee pee diapers and poopy diapers so stinky you want vomit. Be prepared for it to be so loud you can't hear yourself think. Be prepared to never have the pleasure of going to bathroom without someone banging on the door. Be prepared to have each child ask you the same question over and over and over and over and over again even when you have answered it over and over and over and over. Be prepared to neglect going to the dentist or even the doctor for your own health because you would have to ask 3 families to rearrange their hours to accomodate your schedule. Be prepared to only get off 7 paid days a year which includes all vacations and sick days for yourself and your children.
Be prepared to clean up mess after mess after mess after mess after mess......Be prepared to have many days without a break for all children do not nap for the same amount of times and will often wake each other up. Thus, be prepared for some kids to be sleep deprived and cranky often taking it out on others by hitting, pushing, or stealing toys a couple thousand times. Be prepared to break up fight, after fight, after fight, after fight......Be prepared to fish rocks, crayons, markers, paint, and just general crap out of all children's mouths. Be prepared to clean sand off of feet, hands, and out of diapers. Be prepared to clean up dog poop that has been tracked all over the deck and wash out shoes often. Be prepared to witness and clean up the most boogers you have ever seen in your life and yes, it is humanly possible to be sick that many times and have that much snot come out of your nose! Be prepared to watch them wipe snot on themselves, especially their hands and arms and clothes, and also on your shoulder and your furniture and all toys. Be prepared to clean up spit up and the occasional vomit from the flu.
Be prepared to kiss thousands of boo boos. Be prepared for them to drop everything on the floor whenever you do crafts, art, or eat food. Be prepared for them to try to feed your dog their food several times, to fish your dog off of the table who tries to steal their food a thousand times, and to fish dog out of the trash where their wasted food was dumped. Also be prepared to fish dog out of the walmart sack you forgot to throw in the garage trash which had a poopy diaper stored inside it (not anymore!). Be prepared to repeat yourself a thousand times before they finally listen. Be prepared to have kids dropped off before you are even ready and to have them picked up late when you are trying to get out of town at the end of the week or just need to start supper. Be prepared to see your own child get less of your attention and affection because you are too busy dishing it out on everyone trying to be fair. Husband must be prepared to take a more hands on role with your own child because you are spent at the end of the day and need help or might have a nervous break down even though he is spent too. Husband must also be prepared to take off of his work for your child's doctor's visits because it's easier for him to take off of work than you.
Be prepared to have all kids cooped up in only two rooms of the house for 9-10 hours each day because it is too cold or hot to get outside and all are too young to take anywhere, besides, they all wouldn't fit in your vehicle anyways. Be prepared for one parent to always call to ask why her child has the tiniest little mark on his head or red dot on his thigh for she has not yet figured out that toddlerhood will be filled with many bumps, scrapes, and bruises. Be prepared for kids to be dropped off entirely sleep deprived because parents didn't consider what your day would be like if they kept them up late the night before. Be prepared to keep that child up until the designated nap time or he will keep everyone else awake when it's supposed to be their naptime. Be prepared to not remember what it is like to talk to an adult and feel like you can't talk about anything else when you finally do make adult conversation, thus driving the other person insane. Be prepared to say things you may regret just because the stress of it all is just getting to you and you can't help yourself. Be prepared to cry out to God for help because you don't know how you can make it through another day. Be prepared to refocus your mind to be positive because you owe it to these children and you ought to be thankful that God gave this to you to help you pay your bills per your request. Be thankful that the parents you work with are supportive and think you're great. Be prepared to hang in there no matter what. You have no choice.
Now anyone want the job? I must be crazy. So if any of you have ever considered doing this, just know it's not just fun and games. It is a huge commitment and requires more patience than you know. It's not the same as just being a stay at home mommy. It is a real job and is VERY difficult. There are some positives, and some days are great. It is only by the sweet grace of God that I have made it this far. If you happen to read this and you are just a stay at home mommy, count your blessings. If you read this and you leave your kids in daycare, treat your daycare provider well. They go through A LOT on a daily basis to make sure your kid is well cared for.
The end.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Second trimester pic
This is me at 20.5 weeks and a picture of Kadyn exposing my belly as she so often does many times a day to play with the baby. The kids at the daycare find my belly button fascinating. They like to poke it and watch it poke right back out. To Kadyn it's not a belly and belly button, it's baby Brennan.
Following his will and trusting him.
I haven't ever done a spiritual post, but my friend Kelsey inspired me a bit to post one. It's an area in my life that I have contemplated for some time.
One of the things I find the hardest about being a person of faith in Christ is the area of following his will and trusting him. Most of my life I have been able to control things for the better. I have made decisions that I know will lead me down a path that I will be comfortable with. Then there have been other times where I have had to make decisions that require a great deal of patience on my part for God's leading. I wait, and wait, and wait, and pray, pray, pray. After some time, I am forced to make a decision that I hope will be God's will. I fear that the decision I make is only the one that seems best to me; I fear that my desired outcome of this decision overrides my ability to really hear God's voice in the decision.
How is one to know truly the will of God in his or her life? Is the measure of his will how well things work out for you once you make those decisions? In other words, once a decision is made, if things work out, then you can assume your decision was within his will? If they don't work out, do you alter your decision assuming that his a "sign" that you have not followed his will?
These are questions that I really want answers too. I'm not sure I will ever truly understand it all. I wish I could be one of those people who just heard his voice in there heads and were 100% confident they were within God's will, but as of today I'm not. Yes, I search God's word for answers and I pray about it, still I seem confused. Sometimes I wonder, am I sinning in some way that is impeding my prayers or my ability to hear God's voice? Why can some hear him better than others? Are they deeper in their faith?
I guess for now, I will just have to keep making decisions based on the urging placed upon my heart that I can only assume is God speaking to me. I will have to trust Jesus to help lead me through my husband and the decisions he makes for our family. I will assume that if our decisions lead us down an undesirable path, then we ought to take that as a sign that it is God's way of telling us we were wrong. I just don't know any other way.
I have heard of people, including my sister, who have truly heard the voice of God speaking too them. I have never had that bolt of lightening voice from the sky in my head experience. I have had thoughts in my head that I'm not sure are my own. Perhaps that is the voice of God; some have described it to me that way. The only thing I have really been able to describe as God's voice to me is a feeling, or urging on my heart one way or another. Sometimes I have felt confident that I interpreted his leading correctly, other times I feel clueless.
Recently we have come to a sort of crossroads regarding this daycare I am scared to death we will make the wrong decision. To keep it or not could have hard consequences either way. I think we have come to a decision that is going to require us to really trust God more than ever. We are going to take a little more time to decide for sure, but I'm fairly confident we know what to do. I'm nervous and excited to see his work in our lives all at that same time. I feel silly for even doubting that he will provide for us one way or the other because he has done so many amazing things in our lives the past couple of years, but I still can't shake this feeling of doubt that we will be OK.
My prayer:
Lord Jesus, forgive me for my doubt and lack of trust. Help me to give
my life to you completely, seeking and following your will only, and to rejoice in your blessings for they have been given to me so freely. Thank you, thank you, thank you for my life, your love,and your patience.
LOVE ME
One of the things I find the hardest about being a person of faith in Christ is the area of following his will and trusting him. Most of my life I have been able to control things for the better. I have made decisions that I know will lead me down a path that I will be comfortable with. Then there have been other times where I have had to make decisions that require a great deal of patience on my part for God's leading. I wait, and wait, and wait, and pray, pray, pray. After some time, I am forced to make a decision that I hope will be God's will. I fear that the decision I make is only the one that seems best to me; I fear that my desired outcome of this decision overrides my ability to really hear God's voice in the decision.
How is one to know truly the will of God in his or her life? Is the measure of his will how well things work out for you once you make those decisions? In other words, once a decision is made, if things work out, then you can assume your decision was within his will? If they don't work out, do you alter your decision assuming that his a "sign" that you have not followed his will?
These are questions that I really want answers too. I'm not sure I will ever truly understand it all. I wish I could be one of those people who just heard his voice in there heads and were 100% confident they were within God's will, but as of today I'm not. Yes, I search God's word for answers and I pray about it, still I seem confused. Sometimes I wonder, am I sinning in some way that is impeding my prayers or my ability to hear God's voice? Why can some hear him better than others? Are they deeper in their faith?
I guess for now, I will just have to keep making decisions based on the urging placed upon my heart that I can only assume is God speaking to me. I will have to trust Jesus to help lead me through my husband and the decisions he makes for our family. I will assume that if our decisions lead us down an undesirable path, then we ought to take that as a sign that it is God's way of telling us we were wrong. I just don't know any other way.
I have heard of people, including my sister, who have truly heard the voice of God speaking too them. I have never had that bolt of lightening voice from the sky in my head experience. I have had thoughts in my head that I'm not sure are my own. Perhaps that is the voice of God; some have described it to me that way. The only thing I have really been able to describe as God's voice to me is a feeling, or urging on my heart one way or another. Sometimes I have felt confident that I interpreted his leading correctly, other times I feel clueless.
Recently we have come to a sort of crossroads regarding this daycare I am scared to death we will make the wrong decision. To keep it or not could have hard consequences either way. I think we have come to a decision that is going to require us to really trust God more than ever. We are going to take a little more time to decide for sure, but I'm fairly confident we know what to do. I'm nervous and excited to see his work in our lives all at that same time. I feel silly for even doubting that he will provide for us one way or the other because he has done so many amazing things in our lives the past couple of years, but I still can't shake this feeling of doubt that we will be OK.
My prayer:
Lord Jesus, forgive me for my doubt and lack of trust. Help me to give
my life to you completely, seeking and following your will only, and to rejoice in your blessings for they have been given to me so freely. Thank you, thank you, thank you for my life, your love,and your patience.
LOVE ME
Monday, August 4, 2008
She so into her little sissy!
Kadyn said something to me this weekend that might quite possibly be the only time in my life I ever hear that said to me. Jeff shoved her in the bathroom with me because she said she needed to go "pee pee." I was finishing up and she said, "Oh mama, you have a pretty butt!" I about died. No one has ever said THAT to me and probably never will.
As each day goes on Kadyn becomes more and more enamored with my belly and the baby. She must have played with my belly for close to an hour. Within the course of that hour she made comments like, "Oh.....baby Brennan you so cute! What you doing baby Brennan? Baby Brennan awake? Baby Brennan move? I love you Baby!" There were lots of kisses on my belly. Then she read to the baby her entire bag of books from the library two times which amounts to 20 books (still amazes me that she remembers a good chunk of words on each page). She topped it off with a bunch of rasberries blown on my belly. ALL of this was her own doing. I prompted her to do none of it. I hoped she would get into the whole pregnancy, but I never expect all of this. I can't wait to see what she does when the baby gets here. Surprisingly Brennan really does respond to her. It's probably impossible for her to sleep through all that attention from her big sis. It's not uncommon for the most active parts of her day to be when big sissy is playing with her so intently.
I must say this has all made going through this pregnancy so much more enjoyable.
As each day goes on Kadyn becomes more and more enamored with my belly and the baby. She must have played with my belly for close to an hour. Within the course of that hour she made comments like, "Oh.....baby Brennan you so cute! What you doing baby Brennan? Baby Brennan awake? Baby Brennan move? I love you Baby!" There were lots of kisses on my belly. Then she read to the baby her entire bag of books from the library two times which amounts to 20 books (still amazes me that she remembers a good chunk of words on each page). She topped it off with a bunch of rasberries blown on my belly. ALL of this was her own doing. I prompted her to do none of it. I hoped she would get into the whole pregnancy, but I never expect all of this. I can't wait to see what she does when the baby gets here. Surprisingly Brennan really does respond to her. It's probably impossible for her to sleep through all that attention from her big sis. It's not uncommon for the most active parts of her day to be when big sissy is playing with her so intently.
I must say this has all made going through this pregnancy so much more enjoyable.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Deep reflections on parenting
Naptime, I need to vent. This is bound to be long. Sorry. If you don't like reading novels, don't bother with this one.
Lately I've been plagued with thoughts on my parenting style mostly because it is being reflected in my own daughter more than I realized it would. Of course her behavior is a direct reflection on my parenting technique, but also the way she interacts with the kids at the daycare has also made it glaringly obvious how I parent. At times I'm at a loss of what to think, and others I'm proud of what I see.
I think my daughter is a great child. Overall I have been very pleased with the way she is turning out. She has her moments, but for the most part she is very well behaved and respectful and obedient. I take pride in this and also take it as my sign that I am doing something right.
Since Kadyn's language skills have developed quite a bit over the course of the last year I have noticed that she is suddenly starting to be a tiny reflection of me throughout the course of the day with her buddies at the daycare. It's not uncommon to hear her say, "No, no, Will. That not a toy. That naughty." I've also heard her say, "Don't take toy or go time out!" I must say these things a gazillion times a day, it's no wonder she is starting to mimic me in her own mother hen behaviors! It's these sayings that I enjoy hearing, knowing I have reinforced what is right and wrong enough that both older children are joining in on reinforcing the these things to the younger ones.
However, I have also heard and seen things that have disturbed me which Kadyn has done at daycare. I admit that I am guilty of the hand slapping when the younger ones touch things they shouldn't be touching or getting into. There is a period of time where time outs just don't make sense because of their inability and immaturity to process the meaning of them. Redirecting them to a positive activity works most of the time, but there are just times when none of that works and you need a quick fix that will get across a message to them fast. Slapping those little hands with a firm "no, no" seems a quick solution. Didn't see much wrong with this especially knowing the parents of these children also used this method. It did work much of the time until I saw the two older ones starting to do the same things to the younger kids(only the slaps weren't always aimed at the hands) Ugh! I thought, I can't do that now. What am I teaching the oldest ones by doing this, that hitting is OK?
To piggyback on this, I have always believed there is a time and place for spanking. Just like with education, there has always been a school of thought on the correct way to parent that changes through the years. For years corporal punishment or spanking was believed to be the best way to discipline. Then the pendulum swung the opposite way. Spanking turned into abuse and positive reinforcement was the only way to parent. When strictly using positive reinforcement didn't always do the trick, parents started using the "time out" method, a method that is probably the preferred method today especially since the onset of shows like Nanny 911. All these different beliefs in the correct way of parenting has left many parents confused.
There are three classifications of parents and I don't remember the exact terminology, but it is something like permissive, aggressive, and passive/agressive (or the inbetweenie). I like to think passive/aggressive is the way to go. I think using a combination of time outs, positive reinforcement, and occasional spanking that is curtailed to the needs of your child is the best way to parent. Not every child is the same, and some will thrive more on certain methods than others. I don't think the exclusive use of one method over another will work every time for every kid. So....I have striven to use my best judgement to help my children know the difference between right and wrong by using a combo of these.
For the first year I was pretty adamant that I would not spank another person's child, that was until I met Will. He is probably one of the most stubborn children I have ever met. After a trillion time outs didn't seem to be effective with him, I talked to his parents about other possible solutions and got their permission to use spankings if I deemed necessary. This did put me in an uncomfortable situation because the other children, except for my own, had never been spanked. I didn't want to send the wrong message to them. However, I was so desperate to get through to this child I wanted to try this to see if I could eliminate the problems I was having with him. Instead of threatening him with time out after time out, I began to give him warnings that if he repeated the behavior he would be getting a spanked. Unfortunately, the spankings didn't even phase him and too this day I am still struggling with these behaviors that I hope, God willing, will pass eventually or I will loose my marbles!
My point with all of this is that once these threats started, my daughter started using the same threats with Will. "If you do that again I'm going to spank you!" She even threatened me with a spanken at the dinner table one evening because I took her ketchup away. I rarely spank my daughter, only when all else fails and I need her to understand how serious I am about a certain behavior. Obviously it has made a big impression on her. Once again, I began to mull over my parenting decision of spanking.
I mull and mull over my parenting style everyday. And I keep coming to the same conclusion. I am not perfect. I do make bad decisions in parenting and will always struggle with this probably until my kids are gone (any parent who doesn't admit they have screwed up a time or two is lying in my opinion), but......overall I think I am on the right track. I look at my daughter and the wonderful kid she is becoming and know that I must be doing something right. I see the kids get dropped off at my daycare everyday happy to be here, no crying about their parents leaving, and sometimes, not even wanting to leave my care when their parents return to pick them up and know I must be doing something right.
My child is not scared of me, and most of the time she is very affectionate with me and those around her. For as many times as I see her try to mother hen discipline the other children, I also see her kiss and hug on them too. As for spanking, I will continue to use it with my own child when I deem necessary. My method of choice will always be positive reinforcement and time outs first and foremost. Spanking other people's children, I'm back to thinking that's not a good idea no matter how desperate you become.
I only pray, however, that God will help me learn how to control my emotions. The one thing that I am not pleased with when it comes to parenting is how I let my emotions get the better of me which have led me to some of those bad parenting decisions. I have never been good at containing them, and too often I think I let take control of me. I get frustrated with my lack of control in body language and sometimes the things I say out of frustration because of a typical toddler behavior. I want and need to work on this and it will only be the grace of God that I learn how to control this better. This haunts me day after day. So for now, that is what I will push to work on as a parent. I will never be perfect, but there is always room for improvement.
Lately I've been plagued with thoughts on my parenting style mostly because it is being reflected in my own daughter more than I realized it would. Of course her behavior is a direct reflection on my parenting technique, but also the way she interacts with the kids at the daycare has also made it glaringly obvious how I parent. At times I'm at a loss of what to think, and others I'm proud of what I see.
I think my daughter is a great child. Overall I have been very pleased with the way she is turning out. She has her moments, but for the most part she is very well behaved and respectful and obedient. I take pride in this and also take it as my sign that I am doing something right.
Since Kadyn's language skills have developed quite a bit over the course of the last year I have noticed that she is suddenly starting to be a tiny reflection of me throughout the course of the day with her buddies at the daycare. It's not uncommon to hear her say, "No, no, Will. That not a toy. That naughty." I've also heard her say, "Don't take toy or go time out!" I must say these things a gazillion times a day, it's no wonder she is starting to mimic me in her own mother hen behaviors! It's these sayings that I enjoy hearing, knowing I have reinforced what is right and wrong enough that both older children are joining in on reinforcing the these things to the younger ones.
However, I have also heard and seen things that have disturbed me which Kadyn has done at daycare. I admit that I am guilty of the hand slapping when the younger ones touch things they shouldn't be touching or getting into. There is a period of time where time outs just don't make sense because of their inability and immaturity to process the meaning of them. Redirecting them to a positive activity works most of the time, but there are just times when none of that works and you need a quick fix that will get across a message to them fast. Slapping those little hands with a firm "no, no" seems a quick solution. Didn't see much wrong with this especially knowing the parents of these children also used this method. It did work much of the time until I saw the two older ones starting to do the same things to the younger kids(only the slaps weren't always aimed at the hands) Ugh! I thought, I can't do that now. What am I teaching the oldest ones by doing this, that hitting is OK?
To piggyback on this, I have always believed there is a time and place for spanking. Just like with education, there has always been a school of thought on the correct way to parent that changes through the years. For years corporal punishment or spanking was believed to be the best way to discipline. Then the pendulum swung the opposite way. Spanking turned into abuse and positive reinforcement was the only way to parent. When strictly using positive reinforcement didn't always do the trick, parents started using the "time out" method, a method that is probably the preferred method today especially since the onset of shows like Nanny 911. All these different beliefs in the correct way of parenting has left many parents confused.
There are three classifications of parents and I don't remember the exact terminology, but it is something like permissive, aggressive, and passive/agressive (or the inbetweenie). I like to think passive/aggressive is the way to go. I think using a combination of time outs, positive reinforcement, and occasional spanking that is curtailed to the needs of your child is the best way to parent. Not every child is the same, and some will thrive more on certain methods than others. I don't think the exclusive use of one method over another will work every time for every kid. So....I have striven to use my best judgement to help my children know the difference between right and wrong by using a combo of these.
For the first year I was pretty adamant that I would not spank another person's child, that was until I met Will. He is probably one of the most stubborn children I have ever met. After a trillion time outs didn't seem to be effective with him, I talked to his parents about other possible solutions and got their permission to use spankings if I deemed necessary. This did put me in an uncomfortable situation because the other children, except for my own, had never been spanked. I didn't want to send the wrong message to them. However, I was so desperate to get through to this child I wanted to try this to see if I could eliminate the problems I was having with him. Instead of threatening him with time out after time out, I began to give him warnings that if he repeated the behavior he would be getting a spanked. Unfortunately, the spankings didn't even phase him and too this day I am still struggling with these behaviors that I hope, God willing, will pass eventually or I will loose my marbles!
My point with all of this is that once these threats started, my daughter started using the same threats with Will. "If you do that again I'm going to spank you!" She even threatened me with a spanken at the dinner table one evening because I took her ketchup away. I rarely spank my daughter, only when all else fails and I need her to understand how serious I am about a certain behavior. Obviously it has made a big impression on her. Once again, I began to mull over my parenting decision of spanking.
I mull and mull over my parenting style everyday. And I keep coming to the same conclusion. I am not perfect. I do make bad decisions in parenting and will always struggle with this probably until my kids are gone (any parent who doesn't admit they have screwed up a time or two is lying in my opinion), but......overall I think I am on the right track. I look at my daughter and the wonderful kid she is becoming and know that I must be doing something right. I see the kids get dropped off at my daycare everyday happy to be here, no crying about their parents leaving, and sometimes, not even wanting to leave my care when their parents return to pick them up and know I must be doing something right.
My child is not scared of me, and most of the time she is very affectionate with me and those around her. For as many times as I see her try to mother hen discipline the other children, I also see her kiss and hug on them too. As for spanking, I will continue to use it with my own child when I deem necessary. My method of choice will always be positive reinforcement and time outs first and foremost. Spanking other people's children, I'm back to thinking that's not a good idea no matter how desperate you become.
I only pray, however, that God will help me learn how to control my emotions. The one thing that I am not pleased with when it comes to parenting is how I let my emotions get the better of me which have led me to some of those bad parenting decisions. I have never been good at containing them, and too often I think I let take control of me. I get frustrated with my lack of control in body language and sometimes the things I say out of frustration because of a typical toddler behavior. I want and need to work on this and it will only be the grace of God that I learn how to control this better. This haunts me day after day. So for now, that is what I will push to work on as a parent. I will never be perfect, but there is always room for improvement.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
